Summary: There is a gap between what we expect and what people do, what we put in the gap will determine how good the relationship is.
• Your relationships are only as strong as your trust.
• Two things make trust hard, what you see and who you are.
• Believers are taught to trust in spite of what we see or who we are.
• Sounds dangerous, but all the material we have today validates trusting gives life.
I Corinthians 13:4-7 NCV, “4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. 5 Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. 6 Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. 7 Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.”
• I Corinthians 13 - The love chapter
• Love doesn’t delight in evil. Trying to catch someone doing wrong.
• It always trusts…always? You say, “You haven’t heard my story!”
• Love tries to catch people doing the right thing.
• There is nothing gained by refusing to trust. Suspecion is a rejection of trust.
• We are all drawn to environments of acceptance, not rejection.
I. THREE THOUGHTS ON TRUST
• First, love gives the benefit of the doubt.
• Second, love looks for the most generous outcome. The gap; what do you put in the gap?
• Third, love chooses trust over suspicion.
• When we communicate, “I don’t trust you,” you are choosing to close down the relationship at some level.
• When you are struggling to trust say so!
o “I really want to trust you” - when you’re struggling
• The last thing your partner wants to do is disappoint you.
• No one wants to be a disappointment.
• Asking them to perform higher isn’t the answer.
• Believing the best about them is.
• This creates margin, space for the person to be ok.
• They are afraid of you. They don’t want to fail again. No one does.
• You express trust when you believe the best. I accept you, I accept you.
• Say what’s real, but then next time don’t keep a list of wrongs but believe the best.
• Our hearts are drawn into environments of acceptance. They may come home late but their heart won’t.
• When you can’t trust you must chose to confront.
• Matthew 18:15-17 - This is the only time Jesus laid out steps for something. He lets you chose, but here He says confront.
• Don’t gossip, don’t have imaginary conversation, confront!
• Ask for information and assume the best even then. I am going to bend.
• When I don’t know I confront, not walk.
• I am not a confronter. 90% of us don’t, but it is a good thing.
• Don’t hide behind your fear of confrontation or you will destroy the relationship.
II. FIVE COMMITMENTS FOR BUILDING TRUST
1. When there is a gap I will believe the best. I am deciding beforehand. I am going believe the best.
2. When others assume the worst about you, I am coming to your defense. “It could be…” Practice this the next time your friends dump on the other political party. It could be another reason.
3. If what I experience begins to erode my trust, I will come to you.
4. When I am convinced I will not be able to deliver on a promise I will tell you ahead of time.
5. When you confront me about the gaps I’ve created I am going to tell you the truth, no excuses.
• I want to trust you. I want to be trusted.
• Tell people, I want to trust them. Trust them and find out if they are trustworthy.
• If you have difficulty trusting people;
• What can you do to break that? Sit down with them and tell them, “I want to trust you and I am struggling.”
• Finally when there is a gap, trust. Extend not what they deserve, but what you would want them to do for you.
III. FILL THE GAP WITH TRUST
I Corinthians 13:7, “Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.”
• All relationships have expectations and reality = The gap
• Verse 7 - Paul uses a little Greek phrase that blows you up; sounds pretty idealistic.
• NASB - “Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
• Word pas = all things - means all, the whole, everything
• This is probably where we got the idea that love must be blind.
• What does Paul mean? No accident here.
• He is getting into the guts of relationship building here.
• See all deep relationships are built on expectations.