Summary: Healthy familial relationships are more likely to happen when people are in a healthy relationship with Jesus.

Surviving Conflict Series (Part 2 of 3)

(Sermon concept & some content from Rick Stacy)

Surviving Conflict in Your Tribe

Col. 3:1-10, 12-13, 18-21, 25

Sept. 24, 2006 FBC, Chester Mike Fogerson, Pastor


A Survivor is all about building relationship within a tribe, which for 40 days is a family of sorts.

1 Pain is seen . . . real.

a The pain/conflict within our families often creates the deepest wounds in our souls.

b Can’t be explained, only understood by those who have felt it.

aa Relate to the memories of a man (now husband/dad) of being lifted off the ground by his shirt by his alcoholic dad. Only told 2x’s he was loved.

bb Relate to the woman to who recalls years of sitting @ home w/ toddlers, cruddy pots in sink, 1k’s of toys in floor, husband comes home, criticizes supper, flops on couch and never offers encouragement/affectionate touch.

cc These memories go WAY beyond their moment.

2 Being called stupid, unwanted, loser, any other name that hurts your feelings, heart, and self-esteem. FAMILY CONFLICT HURTS.

a We’ve all got conflict in our families. (Some are better @ not talking about it:)

b (IL) One Sunday a minister was finishing up a series on marriage. At the end of the service he was giving out small wooden crosses to each married couple. He said, "Place

this cross in the room in which you fight the most and you will be reminded of God’s commands and you won’t argue

as much."One woman came up after the service and said, "You’d better give me five."

B Col. 3:1-10, 12-13, 18-21, 25

1 Paul told the early believers that with their new relationship with Christ came new ways to relate to others (essence of the text in a sentence).

a Healthy familial relationships are more likely to happen when people are in a healthy relationship with Jesus (essence of the sermon in a sentence).

b I pray my listeners will have the basic strategy to dealing with family conflict (objective).

2 What are you going to do with the strategy you learned? (Probing question)

a Let’s look at two parts of a biblical strategy to dealing with family conflict (transitional sentence).

b Pray

I The first part of the biblical strategy to dealing with family conflict has to do with our hearts.

A Paul taught that there should have been funerals for many dead parts of the believer’s former way of living (v. 5 & 8)

1 He gave three categories of these former ways of living:

a Perverted passions (v. 5)

aa Immorality (illicit sexual behavior), impurity (unclean thought/deed), passion (lust), evil desire (consumes you), greed (want more pleasure/possessions).

b Hot tempers (v. 8) (G. Campbell Morgan called them "sins in good standing")

aa Anger (nursed), wrath (blow up), malice (want someone to suffer), slander (gossip, tear down), abusive speech (bad language, course, obscene).

bb Good standing? We’d be shocked if a church member committed a sexual sin, but we watch him lose his temper at a business meeting and call it "righteous indignation".

c Sharp tongues (v. 9) The devil is the father of lies, & when we lie we’re cooperating/working with the devil; when you speak the truth in love you’re cooperating with the Spirit of God.

2 These former ways must go!

a (IL) A doctor can talk to me all day about my burst appendix, but to cure me, he must remove it, a gardener can talk about the necessity of weeding to have a beautiful garden, but in order to have the beautiful garden he’s going to have to pull some weeds.

b We can talk about sin all day long, but ultimately it must be removed.

B As these dead parts are removed, they are to be replaced with what Jesus gave (v. 12-14).

1 If the previous list was one of "don’ts", then this is one of "dos".

a Do put on a heart of...

aa Compassion (sympathy for those in need), kindness (compassion with hands/feet), humility (humble people don’t think less of themselves, they just think of themselves less)

bb Gentleness (gentleness is not weakness, it is power under control, also refusing to demand your rights).

cc As Americans, we demand our rights! (Unfair, unjust, uncivil). The Bible is telling us sometimes unfair, unjust, uncivil things will happen to us.

dd It means we don’t have to go for blood every time we’re treated less-than-fair. I have the right to, but it doesn’t mean it’s the right things to do.

• Not talking about criminal injustice done toward you (rape, etc)

• Not treated fairly, not taken seriously, not heard...doesn’t mean you always have to go to war.

ee Patience (long fuse), bearing with one another (look for the best in people/no rush to judgment), forgiveness (the forgiven are obligated to become forgivers).

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