Summary: Conflict is a part of our life, but it must never result to violence. Therefore, we must be determined to manage our relationship well so that it doesn’t generate to an abysmal level that becomes intolerable and can therefore be discarded with impunity.
The principles of handling conflict and anger at Home:
Conflict is a part of our life, but it must never result to violence. Therefore, we must be determined to manage our relationship well so that it doesn’t generate to an abysmal level that becomes intolerable and can therefore be discarded with impunity.
In our text, we can see the example of conflict between the early apostles in pursuits of God’s work. Paul and Barnabas were commissioned for the work as a team by the Holy Spirit. However, a time came they needed help, and Barnabas was determined to have them take John Mark with them, but Paul disagreed due to what Mark did earlier. And the contention was so sharp that this team set up by the Holy Spirit was separated by men. So Barnabas went with Mark while Paul chose Silas and they went their way. It was conflict that were not resolved that led to the cleavage of what God has done. Let us be careful how we handle our homes, for it God that has joined it together not your pastor.
The principles of how to handle conflict and sparks at home between couples who are heavenly bound are stated:
a. Don’t use the silent treatment method to avoid conflict.
b. Refuse to keep a list of grievances. Instead, release emotions as they arise, and talk about the tensions right then.
c. Prepare the setting for the handling disagreements – right time, quiet place, no interruptions.
d. Attack the problem, not each other. Stay with the facts. Stay in the present.
e. Don’t accuse each other. Instead described how you are feeling about what happened.
f. Stay on the subject. Don’t bring in other stuff. If it gets hot, stop the conversation, and define the issues. Ask. “What are we really talking about?”
g. Offer solutions without criticisms; “would it help to keep our bedroom neater if I move the clothes hamper into the bedroom?”
h. Don’t say: “You never…” or “You always…”
i. Don’t use comedy to cut your spouse – humour can be vicious.
j. When you are wrong, admit it, and say it. When you are right, shut up! Silence is no admittance of guilt. It is hard to admit that you are wrong – so it helps to practice saying it to yourself first. When your spouse asks for forgiveness, forgive immediately without reference to any previous event.
k. Don’t dominate the conversation, and don’t interrupt your mate. Given your spouse a chance to respond. Just sit silently for a little while.
Wives, be careful NOT to intimidate your husband’s with your facial expression, tone of voice, and body language. Remember, you’re responding emotionally to something we’re trying to understand rationally. Often, we don’t have a clue as to what has upset you, even after you’ve told us!
However, learning to talk, listen and understand is hard work, but it is rewarding and worth it. The intimate bonding of close conversation is basic to a good marriage.
Husbands, Be sure to give your wife your undivided attention while she is talking.