Summary: Part 2 in 2-part mini-series, Dave and Christy Flowers examine needs one and two on Willard Harley’s list of the top needs for men and women, and shows that meeting needs for our spouses is simply a concrete way of practicing the Biblical call to submit
Ways to Submit (for women AND men), prt. 2
Joint Lecture w/ Christy Flowers, M.A.
Wildwind Community Church
March 28, 2010
Last week Christy covered two of a woman’s top five needs, and I covered two of a man’s top five needs. This week we want to finish with the final two. Remember to hear this in light of Ephesians 5, which says submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. When we identify our partner’s needs, and get deliberate about meeting those needs, that is a way of serving our partner, and serving is always submitting. Remember also, on this Palm Sunday, our Lord who humbled himself supremely, submitted to us ultimately, by sacrificing himself completely for us, which is of course what husbands are instructed to do for our wives. Christy?...
Need #5 -- Admiration
I talked last week about #3, an attractive spouse and #4 domestic support. Today, I’m starting with #5 on the list, Admiration. I was taking with Dave about this and we believe this should be #1 or #2. This deals with a man feeling respected. Everyone wants to feel respected, but men often need this even more than women. It starts from a very early age. Wives, please don’t knock your husbands down time and time again. Guess what? You’re grown up husband was a little boy at some point. That seems obvious, but I think we girls forget and we cannot do that. I look at the little boys I work with and think, “Oh my gosh! These little guys have to be someone’s husband and father one day.” Right now they can’t even properly blow their nose. And their feelings get hurt when little Sally tells them they didn’t make their b right. When you complain that your husband didn’t vacuum the floor right it’s the same thing. You knocked him down. Some of you are very good at that. And some of you don’t even realize just how good you’ve gotten at it. But your husbands know. And I bet your friends and family know because they feel uncomfortable being around you when you do it!
So husbands start sticking around work a little longer. They go out with the guys a little more often to avoid coming home to get yelled at or nagged at more. And when they do come home you do yell or nag. This reinforces the desire to stay away or to just not do anything because he can’t do anything right in your eyes anyway, so why bother trying.
Ladies, if you want to affair proof your marriage and make your husband feel like the king of the world show him ADMIRATION. Thank him for even the small things. In saying that, I want to encourage you to avoid coming across as insincere or as if you are just TRYING to flatter him. Okay, I know at least one of you is running the same thought through your mind over and over, “But what if there isn’t anything to admire about him?” To that I would say, I would love to sit down with you and talk. If that’s where you are at, you need to seriously take stock in your marriage. I would put money on the fact that you’ve chosen to focus on his faults for so long that you are now blinded to his fabulous points. And guess what? Your husband would say the same thing because he has started to feel like no matter how hard he tries nothing he does is right. It’s time to turn a blind eye to his faults and focus on looking for his good side.
So what if the diaper is on the baby backwards, at least he volunteered to change the baby’s diaper! Yes, he washed the hand wash only ice cream scoop in the dishwasher, but he was trying to surprise you by washing the dishes! It’s only an ice cream scoop. Is it worth tearing him down over it? By tearing your man down every time he does something wrong you are creating a situation where he just won’t do anything. It’s better to not do it than to do it wrong and get yelled at!
However, if you came home and notice the dishes are washed and thank him for being the best hunky husband ever and give him a big hug and kiss, guess what? You’ve just made a HUGE deposit in his love bank and he’ll get all puffed up and feel good about himself for making his beautiful wife, that’s you, happy! In fact, he’ll feel so good about it that he’ll want to do it again because it felt so good the first time. So then you’ll turn around and he’s making the bed. Before you pass out and hit the floor, thank him for taking the time to do it. And maybe he did wash the hand wash only ice cream scoop in the dishwasher and now it’s ruined. That’s okay! He made an effort to show love to you by helping out. We all need help around the house. Appreciate him. Admire his efforts and then go shopping and by a new ice cream scoop. It’s cheaper to buy a new ice cream scoop than to pay for a divorce attorney because all you do is complain and find fault!