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Desperate Houselives - We Must Discipline our Kids
(Ed Young 10 commandments of Parenting)
Dad’s and mom’s have a supernatural assignment.
To be Parents – peers to their kids.
Peers indulge one another and reinforce behaviors whether they are wrong or right.
Godly Parents don’t indulge – they discipline.
In May of 2003, America was shocked by a videotaped hazing – basically an initiation consisting of humiliation.
The scenes of teenage girls battering other teenage girls with animal entrails, excrement, and solid objects were chilling. The videotape flashed again and again showing teens lifting up bottles, cans, and cups of beer as the hazing intensified in violence and cruelty. The beer for the underage kids apparently had been supplied by the parents.
“The issue has struck a nerve,” said Liza Porteus on a Fox TV newscast, “among those who believe many parents may be more worried about being a buddy than a father or mother to their teen – to the detriment of both the kids’ development and the strength of the family.”
Ms. Porteus reported on an ad campaign by Partnership for a Drug-Free America, urging parents to act like adults. “We advise parents that kids have friends; they need parents,” said Howard Simon, an executive with the Partnership. “It’s important for parents to remember their kids, whether they admit it or not, are looking for you to set rules and boundaries. “…it’s probably the single most important job you have in your life.”
If we look at Eli and his relationship with his sons…
1 Samuel 2:12 (King James Version)
12Now the sons of Eli were sons of Belial (worthless); they knew not the LORD.
Belial really conveys the idea of bringing up the dregs and filth from the bubbling slime-pit of hell onto the level of routine human conduct.
1 Samuel 2:22-25 (English Standard Version)
“22Now Eli was very old, and he kept hearing all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who were serving at the entrance to the tent of meeting. 23And he said to them, "Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all the people. 24No, my sons; it is no good report that I hear the people of the LORD spreading abroad. 25If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the LORD, who can intercede for him?" But they would not listen to the voice of their father,…”
Eli’s lack of responsibility as a parent brought about a curse upon his whole household.
• He ignored the truth about where they went bad…
• He lacked any ownership. Own – to have control over.
To have control over means the responsibility to take care of.
Joy of owning but responsibility of maintaining.
• My truck
• Motorcycle – boat - quad
If we are to care properly for our children we find there is great joy, but also the laborious task of maintaining our kids / caring properly for our kids.
To do so is to understand the differences of Discipline and Punishment.
• Set’s boundaries
• Guidance towards goals
• Holds a person on target towards a purpose
• Provides framework for freedom
• Proactive interest of parent in child Punishment
• Imposes the penalty of crossing boundaries
• Links cause and effect sowing and reaping.
• Lays on the price for straying off course
• Restricts freedom when it’s abused
• Reactive behavior of parent to protect child from harm or missing the mark.
When parents confuse the difference between discipline and punishment, they assume that all discipline is negative and will avoid it.
Discipline is the “essential positive” and punishment is the “essential negative.”
Discipline Styles of Parenting
1. The Autocratic Parent - The dictator in the home.
• It’s my way or the highway!
• Do it or else!
• Don’t ask why, just do it!
The autocratic parent is strong on punishment and threats but weak on relationships.
Dr. Brackman writes: “Autocratic parents issue ultimatums to their children, there is no discussion or respect for the child’s position or request…no room for compromise – they give orders and expect immediate obedience – no questions asked.”
Autocratic parents raise children that tend to resent authority and are very limited in self-expression. This leads to rebellion as a teen and all communications lines are severed and all hope can be lost in reaching that teen.
2. The Permissive Parent
Prides themselves in relationship building, but is weak in providing the necessary discipline.
• “I love my child so much that I could never bring myself to punish them.”
This is where the permissive parent confuses two main issues: