Summary: Based on ’His Needs Her Needs’ by Dr. Willard Harley. The top 5 needs of men & women are investigated in an eye-opening way. We compliment one another perfectly when we follow this formula. Link included to formatted text, handouts, & Powerpoint Template

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What Every Spouse Needs, Pt. 2

[Desperate Households]

Matthew 7:12

This message is for presentation to adults, due to subject matter.

Why learn to understand, appreciate, and fulfill one another’s needs?

• First, because you have an obligation to do so. Your spouse has made a vow to meet these needs only in the marriage relationship. They have nowhere else to (legitimately) go.

• Second, because if you don’t someone else may. (Not that this excuses adultery or makes the innocent party responsible). Any of us is vulnerable to temptation. If you want to protect your mate from temptation, you should meet their needs.

Why do husbands and wives often fail to meet their spouse’s deepest needs?

Selfishness and ignorance--Ignorance is the inability to understand and appreciate the other’s needs. Selfishness is an unwillingness to meet those needs. One is a heart problem, and the other is a head problem. One can be solved by information, the other only by repentance. But both must be addressed in order for the relationship to improve.

• Men and women have similar needs, but they rank them differently.

Top 5 Needs of Men and Women: [These are broad generalizations]


Sexual fulfillment

Recreational companionship

An attractive spouse

Domestic support





Honesty and openness

Financial support

Family commitment

The woman’s greatest need: Affection

To a woman, affection represents security, protection, comfort, and approval. It is the essential cement of the relationship.

The husband’s greatest need: Sexual fulfillment

It is God’s will that a man be fully satisfied sexually with his wife.

Philip. 2:4

Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

Matthew 7:12

Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

New info:

The woman’s 2nd greatest need: Conversation

Unlike the need for sex, conversation is not a need that should be met exclusively in marriage. Our need for conversation can be ethically met by almost anyone. But since it is one of your most important emotional needs, whoever meets it best will be someone you may easily fall in love with. So it’s crucial to your marital happiness that your spouse is the one who meets it the best and most often.

This need for conversation is not met by simply talking to someone. It is met when the conversation is enjoyable to both.

Ill.—Kimberly talks to the kids all day, and needs some ‘adult conversation’ w/ someone more on her level [you should pray for her if I’m to be that one! Just kidding  ]. Some people set their kids in front of a talking stuffed animal or a video, but they too want someone who is thinking and conscious, and who they know genuinely loves them and thus talks to them!

Good conversation is characterized by the following:

(1) Using it to inform and investigate each other—this is the basics of survival, but it’s nearly 100% of what most couple do…just to get by!

(2) Focusing attention on topics of mutual interest—

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