Summary: We are built and designed for relationship. Yet, we often struggle to know what the person we love needs or wants. Examine 4 areas that must be dealt with in order to have a healthy relationship.

“What Men and Women Want”

Pt. 1


We want to begin this morning by reading a couple of passages of Scripture.

The first is:

Matt. 19:11 – 12

11But Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. 12Some, from birth seemingly, never give marriage a thought. Others never get asked—or accepted. And some decide not to get married for kingdom reasons. But if you’re capable of growing into the largeness of marriage, do it.”

Marriage isn’t for everyone. There is nothing second rate about being single.

You are complete in Christ! Colossians 2:9-10 – complete = whole = nothing missing = nothing lacking. Not complete in someone else. You don’t need a man or woman to complete you. I am not complete due to Julie or vice versa. We are complimented by each other.


Jesus gives us insight into whose idea marriage was in:

Mark 10:6-9, “6In the original creation, God made male and female to be together. 7Because of this, a man leaves father and mother, and in marriage 8he becomes one flesh with a woman—no longer two individuals, but forming a new unity. 9Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart.”


Our prayer is that if you aren’t married what we discuss will help you be better suited if you choose to marry in the future. We also hope that what we say and do here will help those of you who are married to be better spouses and parents. By the way if you are real churchy you are not going to like this message. We have been taught that we shouldn’t talk about sex in church. But we must talk about it. We need to talk about it.


A lot of us think that having a healthy marriage is something you only find in a fairy tale or a romance novel. We believe that is something we have to strive for, work at, and something we should expect. Good marriages just don’t happen. They take hard work. You should expect a good marriage. God doesn’t sit around and say that one will be good and that one will be bad and there is nothing you can do about it. They are good or bad based on our joint investments and efforts in the relationship.

Most of us only ever get a few hours (or in our case) 1 hour of premarital counseling that is supposed to help us be prepared to deal with the issues of marriage for the rest of our lives. Why don’t we ever talk about marriage issues in church?


We believe that talking about these issues is important because unfortunately Christian marriages end in divorce just as much as those who aren’t based on Christ. Not only that, marriage researchers have determined that having a healthy, happy, fulfilling marriage benefits all family members. Below are marriage statistics from research by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the Healthy Marriage Initiative.

We believe God knew these benefits existed with the marriage of man and woman and that is why He instituted it. Modern research simply echoes what God says in His Word.

Benefits of Healthy Marriages For Children and Youth (Marriage Statistics)


Researchers have found many benefits for children and youth who are raised by parents in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

• More likely to attend college

• More likely to succeed academically

• Physically healthier

• Emotionally healthier

• Less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol

• Less likely to commit delinquent behaviors

• Less likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse

• Have a better relationship with their mothers and fathers

• Decreases their chances of divorcing when they get married

• Less likely to become pregnant as a teenager, or impregnate someone

• Less likely to be sexually active as teenagers

• Less likely to contract STD’s

• Less likely to be raised in poverty

So it is important to you kids that you have a healthy marriage!


Benefits of a Healthy Marriage for Women

Researchers have found many benefits for women who are in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following statistics:

• More satisfying relationship

• Emotionally healthier

• Wealthier

• Less likely to be victims of domestic violence, sexual assault, or other violent crimes

• Less likely to attempt or commit suicide

• Decrease risk of drug and alcohol abuse

• Less likely to contract STD’s

• Less likely to remain or end up in poverty

• Have better relationships with their children

• Physically healthier

A bad marriage can depress the body’s immune system. Unhappily married women have subnormal levels of white blood cells (which destroy infections)

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