Summary: I talk about the basics of overcoming broken marriages using God’s perscription.
Introduction: Perspective is a powerful word in marriage. That’s what that drama is all about – they couldn’t get perspective because they were too consumed with themselves – they were too concerned about their issues or their side of the story to even have a clue about what was going on in the other person’s world. That happens a lot in marriage. Selfishness rules in most marriages – that’s why there are so many marital problems. How do we fix this? How do we turn the tide?
A friend of mine who pastors a church in Florida, recently found himself in the midst of a media firestorm! I read about it on the Drudge Report, but it was on CNN, Fox News, CBS evening news, it was even on the news in France! It wasn’t because he had done something wrong – it was because of a challenge he had issued to his church; a 30 Day Sex Challenge. And the challenge was for married couples in the church to have sexual relations with their spouse every day for thirty days in a row.
Now besides the obvious that this idea was conceived in the mind of a guy – and it’s not like I think it’s a bad idea – there were guys dragging their wives to church all over Florida for that series – the idea was that a couple having sex together every day won’t be mad at each other. They will likely talk more and have more time together and so forth.
But as much as I like the idea of the 30 Day Sex Challenge, there are a lot of problems that won’t go away simply by having sex every day. Sometimes the no sex is a symptom of a greater problem. So, that’s what I want to talk about today. Where do you turn when your marriage is in trouble?
Let me stress the obvious again – marriage problems are not a part of God’s divine plan for marriage. God’s plan for marriage is revealed in the book of Genesis. “Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame.” Gen. 2:22-25
Then sin entered and there have been problems ever since. One thing I can guarantee is that there are NO perfect marriages represented in this room today. None! But, I also want to say that no matter how bad you might think your marriage is – if you will turn to God and FOLLOW His prescription for building a godly marriage – your marriage is not beyond hope. I don’t care if you have suffered abuse, infidelity or have woken up one day realizing that you feel nothing for your spouse – your marriage is not beyond hope – you can survive!
I want to introduce to you (someone gave testimony)
So, where do you turn when your marriage is in trouble? You turn to God, but here are a couple of things that you need to do:
1. Monitor the Emotional Bank Account.
I’ve gone over this before in other messages, but the concepts I’m going to give you today can save your marriage – ignoring them can wreck it! I won’t apologize for repeating myself on Sundays – because even though I teach these principles and share them in counseling and read about them – I never seem to practice them consistently myself – so it’s good to go back to the well and revisit these truths. Here’s a little review:
• Every one you know has an account with you and every time you interact with someone they will do one of two things.
• They make withdrawals:
- They criticize you, or nag you, or annoy you and the result is you don’t want to be around them anymore. That’s what happens with withdrawals.
• They make deposits.
When you are around this kind of person you start feeling good and those good feelings naturally make you want to be around that person more. This is the person that you gravitate towards. We call them friends.
When a person makes enough deposits you have Romantic Love. Romantic Love is a powerful attraction. If you maintain romantic love, your marriage becomes indestructible.
Do you doubt the strength of Romantic love? I have seen politicians, and known people in ministry and in the business world who when they feel romantic love towards someone other than their spouse they are willing to wreck their families, their homes, their reputations, and sometimes even their careers all for the sake of romantic love. It’s a powerful thing.