Summary: This sermon is built upon Rev. Jerry Shirley’s Message, Married, But Not Friends. He did a great job. I expanded upon some of his ideas.

Why Can’t We Be Friends

Why can’t we be friends: Much of this message comes from a message by Rev. Jerry Shirley entitled, Married, But Not Best Friends. I have expounded on some of the truths that he shared.

Song of Songs 5:16-5:16

Let me read you a verse from one of the great love stories of all time that’s found in the bible.

5:16 His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely.

This is my lover, this my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

You know men, when we marry, often times we are primarily looking for someone that we think is going to be a great lover. Are you aware however that our to be brides are also looking for something. They are looking for someone who is going to be a great friend. Your wife married you in part, because she thought you were going to be a great friend to her. Could she say that you are her best friend? I you answered yes, then you’re already ahead of many of us as men. If you said no or I’m not sure I have to ask her, then today’s message is for you.

Let me read that verse again for you: Song 5:16

His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely.

This is my lover, this my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

Song of Songs has a lot information in it on how we should love one another as husbands and wives, so check out the whole book.

Now, marriage is the highest level of relationship created by God between a man and a woman. Therefore friendship ought to reach an all time high in the marriage relationship. Let’s look at 3 key words to help us discover how to bring the joy of friendship back into the marriage. I know a couple by the name of John and Jonnie Hayes who have been married over 50 years. It is obvious that they are each other’s best friends. They have their moments of tension, but you can’t be around them without recognizing, they enjoy being with each other.

Let’s look at two factors to bring friendship back into the marriage relationship. Companionship-- & Communication

1. Companionship: Companionship is having someone in your life to have a good time with when times are good and when times are bad. A good companion is someone you just want to be around. As a kid you probably had a companion that you wanted to hang with sometimes doing nothing. But you looked forward to that time together.

Everybody who plans to get married, wants not only someone to be married to but who will also be their FRIEND! Believe it or not men, the real reward in the marriage is not in the bed, but in the relationship of finding someone who will forever be your friend.

Friends spend time together, want to be together [grow fonder, not go wander!], have fun together, and talk together. Friends like each other. They like being around each other.

They say that the family that prays together stays together, but just as true is this: the family that plays together stays together!

How do you spend your leisure time? Going in different directions is a recipe for disaster! I have yet to understand couples who want to have separate vacations from each other. This is one of the biggest set ups for infidelity. I know personally when I go on business trips without my wife, I have to intentionally remove temptation from my pathway. I don’t wander through the hotel or the streets of a strange city at night. I don’t turn on the tv to watch certain kinds of movies. I don’t flirt with anyone. However I think if I went on a vacation to get some time away from my wife, I would be a lot less committed to doing these things, after all isn’t the purpose of a vacation to relax and have a good time? Well if I’m going to be relaxing and having a good time, I certainly want it to be with my wife.

When couples want to get married, it is important to find out not only how much they love each other, but how much they like each other. It’s the like factor that’s going to determine how much friendship they will develop in the marriage. It is important for them to know the difference between liking and loving. I know of some marriages that have lasted a long time, but the two people involved do not like each other that much. Their marriage is not really satisfying to either person. You can change and decide to start liking the other person.

Of course it means you have to start to be willing to do the things the other person likes to do, without demanding he or she does the same for you. When you show a genuine interests in what the other person wants, the person will begin to like you more. Don’t set out with a goal of getting her to do something for you. Just make up your mind you’re going to become so irresistible, your wife will not have any choice but to like you.

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