Do you remember when you received that revelation about God and from God? You can point to the highlights of your walk with God based on those times of revelation. Yet they seem to flee so quickly. The revelation carried you for days. You thought at that time that you made the final link between you and God. You said in your heart "This revelation is the answer I’ve been seeking for a long time." You felt a sense of security, a sense of being connected. Your confidence and faith was at an all time high. Your future was secure and you were confident that you would never go back to the old ways again. You basked in His presence. Your worship and adoration flowed like a river. Your commitment and obedience was then made easy. God was so close. You had arrived to adulthood, a spiritual giant: you were a mature and seasoned saint.
Then one morning you woke up and you felt disjointed, distant, discouraged, disillusioned and disappointed. Everything seemed different. Where did that life go? Your prayers seemed to bounce off the ceiling; judgment seemed to follow every act of disobedience; praise was only an exercise of your will. Silence gripped your hollow soul like cancer, eating away any sense of God’s presence. You faced closed doors, unforeseen bills, obstacles and hindrances to your blessings, while others seem to be flowing in blessing and success. You perceived the word filled with false hope and judgment. You wrestled with your reasoning until you were flooded with criticism and doubt. The road back to God only seemed to be an exercise in religious futility. "Why me!" Your catalogue of sin only seemed to justify God’s right to silence. Self-hatred mixed with a longing to please the Lord perplexed and frustrated your power to chose.
Rom 7:15, 24 "For that which I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate…..Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?"
Song 2:15 "Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes." (KJV)
We often lose the big battles because we were unwilling to fight the little ones.
CHANGE!!!! When all truly comes to an end, then you will know that time was meant to develop patience, frustration to develop simple faith, self- hatred to culminate a love for others and finally a turn from the naturally-dependent life to a spiritually-dependent life. This metamorphosis comes from losing your life for the sake of His and the renewing of your mind with a constant focus on Him.
Where did that life you received in the revelation come from in the first place? Did it come from the truth of the revelation? Was it in the expelling of ignorance and deception? Why was revelation given and then seem to lose its effectiveness? "Is it me?" "What have I done?" "I must have caused this emptiness and silence." "I feel a sense of hopelessly falling away." Your desperate tear-covered prayers are not able to return you to that place that you lost.