“Building Quality Relationships: With God – Imitating God”
Eph. 4:17-5:2
From the very beginning God said “It is not good for man to be alone.” Van Morris, in Being Lonely ‘Can Kill You’, says that data collected from 148 studies, involving more than 300,000 people, conducted over three decades, shows just how true God’s principle is. People who have no social life are 50 percent more likely to die early than those who are well connected. Those who socialize regularly with family and friends live an average of 3.7 years longer than those who lead isolated lives. The professor who led the research said friends and supportive people encourage us to “have better health practices, see a doctor, exercise more. They may also help you directly by making you feel you have something to live for…By having a secure relationship and feeling loved, people live much more secure, calm lives.” (1)
With that information in hand, it’s important to know another body of research. Sherry Turkle, a professor at M.I.T. and author of Alone Together: Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other, has spent the last 15 years studying how our "plugged-in lives" have changed who we are. She claims that all of our technological devices have produced a world in which we're always communicating but we're seldom having real conversations. This is part of her conclusion: “We are tempted to think that our little "sips" of online connection add up to a big gulp of real conversation. But they don't. E-mail, Twitter, Facebook, all of these have their places …. But no matter how valuable, they do not substitute for conversation... We expect more from technology and less from one another and seem increasingly drawn to technologies that provide the illusion of companionship without the demands of relationship.” (2)
It is time we take a serious look at building quality relationships – and there is no better resource than God who made us to be in relationship. So this morning we begin our current series from the book of Ephesians. Paul begins, in fact, with our relationship with God. He says that through Christ we have A NEW IDENTITY. (23-24) “You were taught…to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” WE ARE DEARLY BELOVED CHILDREN (5:1) CREATED TO BE LIKE GOD. We have an honorable name; we come from great stock; we are the prime cut, premium grade people.
This is more than a legal relationship; it is a relationship of love. God is committed to us, for our good. Having just celebrated baptism, let me illustrate it this way. Mike and Allie, how much do you want for Noah? What’s his selling price? A thousand dollars? One hundred thousand? How about a million dollars? You say he’s not for sale? Why not? Are you looking forward to all the dirty diapers, sleepless nights, childhood diseases, trips to the doctor, and all the costs of raising him? Is it because he’s going to bring you fame and fortune? Of course not. It’s because he’s your son and therefore is worth more to you than all the world. His identity and worth are rooted in your love. So it is with us and God. We have no need to measure up or stock our resumes with good references to earn God’s love. OUR WORTH IS IN OUR DIVINE CHILDHOOD.
When Barb and I worked at Cran-Hill Ranch back in 1968, one of the guests who spoke to the campers one week was a former prostitute. She shared not only how she had fallen into that lifestyle, but how she tired of it as it gradually beat her down. She came to discover that her worth was not in giving herself away to others, or in earning love, but in resting in being a child of God. Through Jesus Christ she had come to claim her identity and recognize her inherent worth; now she was sharing not her body but Jesus.
I pray that you will recognize today that JESUS HAS CHANGED YOU. As The Message states these verses: “…take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.” Put off your old self and put on your new self. Think and act differently. BE WHO YOU ARE. Clayton’s mother was making plans for a party Clayton’s 4th birthday. When she told him he could have any kind of party he wanted he said, “I want a party where everybody there will be kings and queens.” So that was the theme of the party. His mother created golden paper crowns, royal blue crepe paper robes with gold lining, and scepters made from coat hangers and cardboard. Everyone who came to the party was either a king or a queen. They even had a procession up to the end of the block and back. They all acted like royalty and behaved wonderfully. That night, as his mother tucked him into bed, Clayton said, “I wish everyone in the whole world could be a king or queen – not just on my birthday, but every day.” We are, in fact royalty. We are beloved children created to be like God; heaven has come down and filled our souls.
As theologian John Stott suggested, “Each day remind yourself ‘I am a child of God. God is my Father; heaven is my home. My Saviour is my brother’…Say it over and over to yourself first thing in the morning and last thing at night, as you wait for (your ride), any time your mind is free, and ask that you may be enabled to live as one who knows it is all utterly and completely true.” To build your relationship with God, claim your new identity.
But what does it mean to live as a child of God? What does being who we are look like? It involves A NEW LIFESTYLE. Paul lists some characteristics of the old lifestyle and then points to their replacements in the new lifestyle. He tells us what old clothes to take off and what new ones to put on. First, he mentions INTEGRITY. (25) “…put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” Stop lying and fudging the truth and speak the whole truth. Lying covers untruthfulness, deception, misrepresentation, exaggeration. Lying is a sin because it camouflages and hides the truth. The person lied to does not know the truth; therefore, she has to act or live upon a lie. If the lie is serious, it can be very damaging: a lie about a business deal can cost money and cause terrible loss. A lie about the salvation of the gospel can cost a person the hope of eternal life. A lie about loving someone can stir emotions that lead to destruction.(3) Lying makes it impossible to trust others. Only truthfulness and honesty can build solid, lasting relationships – which is why Paul indicated lying destroys the body of believers. Speak the truth.
Another piece of clothing for the new lifestyle is SELF-CONTROL. (26-27 NLT) “And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil.” It’s okay to be angry; but do not sin because of your anger. There are plenty of things to be angry about – sin, injustice, unrighteousness, and evil. It’s even alright to be angry about something that happens to us or at someone who does something to us – but we are to do what is necessary to alleviate the anger without seeking reveng; otherwise the devil gets hold of us. As someone said, anger will either blow the lid off or provide steam for the engine. (Psalm 37:8) “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil.” (Proverbs 14:17) “A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and a crafty man is hated.” (Proverbs 16:32) “Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city.” (Proverbs 19:11) “A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.” (Ecclesiastes 7:9) “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.” Our anger can lead us to sin or be the motivation for taking holy, loving action.
The third article of clothing is a spirit of BENEVOLENCE. (28 CEV) “If you are a thief, quit stealing. Be honest and work hard, so you will have something to give to people in need.” God has given us dominion over the earth. It means we are commanded by God to explore the universe and expand our knowledge, in order to feed, clothe, house and give health to people. God is saying that we are to share the blessings of the earth. Our world is filled with people who are hungry and starving to death, who are without drinking water, who are without adequate clothing, who are diseased and without medicine, who have no roof over their heads, or who have no one to teach them. The means to help meet the needs of the world exist today. The lack is not manpower and resources; what lacks is sacrificial commitment to give the resources and to become personally involved. The extravagant and indulgent are stealing from the needy, and the gifted are not meeting the needs of the less gifted. This new lifestyle involves working hard so we can give to people in need.
So there is to be a purpose to our work. Through working we are to move from being self-centered to other-centered. When people use their God-given ability to make money and produce goods, and then begin to hold back and hoard, they are stealing; they are keeping for themselves what rightfully helps others. We are not to work to gain all we can but to give all we can.
The new lifestyle also includes EDIFYING SPEECH. (29) “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” The words we speak are to edify and build up others. We are to move from tearing people down to building people up. Therefore any words we speak which fail to do so are, according to God, rotten, foul, putrid, polluting, harmful, and destructive. (Proverbs 16:24) “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” (Ecclesiastes 10:12) “Words from a wise man's mouth are gracious…” (Isaiah 50:4) “The sovereign LORD has given me an instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.”
The final article of clothing for this new lifestyle Paul mentions is COMPASSION. (30-31) “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.” Failure to build good relationships with others grieves the Holy Spirit. We must get rid of those attitudes and behaviors that tear others down rather than build them up; we do it by moving into Christ-likeness. (32) “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
The key is to stop dwelling on what someone else has done, or not done, to you and focus instead on what God did for you in Jesus. How did God treat you when you sinned? How has He reacted when you keep committing the same sins over and over again? What did He do when you rejected and wronged Him? He paid for your sin. He gave up the right to get even and take vengeance, to harbor resentment. We are to treat others just as God in Jesus has treated us. It’s a characteristic of our new lifestyle.
Paul summarizes this new identity and lifestyle by suggesting we wear A NEW FRAGRANCE. Most of us have, at some time or other, admired someone else and expressed a desire to be like them. (Isn’t that what Halloween costumes are about?) I remember when I was in elementary school I saw the Jr. High kids carrying stacks of books home from school. I was impressed by that so I began to carry books home from school. I didn’t do anything with them at home but just imitating them made me feel more important. We imitate those we admire or want to be like. So Paul wrote (5:1-2), “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children…” EXCEL AT IMITATING GOD in whose image we were created. Like a little boy imitating his father or a little girl imitating her mother, as God’s children we imitate God. The word ‘imitate’ literally means to mimic or copy God. It’s like actors taking on a roll – they study and learn all about the character they are to portray so they can live, act, and think like them. So we are to study and learn all about the character of God so we can portray Him through the way we live. And Peter wrote (2 Pt. 1:3-4) “We have everything we need to live a life that pleases God. It was all given to us by God’s own power, when we learned that he had invited us to share in his wonderful goodness. 4 God made great and marvelous promises, so that his nature would become part of us. Then we could escape our evil desires and the corrupt influences of this world.”
We imitate God best when we LOVE A JESUS CHRIST LOVED. “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us…” God’s love expressed in Jesus is to be our guide; we are to be controlled by His love. (1Jn. 3:16 CEV) “We know what love is because Jesus gave his life for us. That’s why we must give our lives for each other.” (1 Jn. 4:10-11 GNT) “This is what love is: it is not that we have loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the means by which our sins are forgiven. Dear friends, if this is how God loved us, then we should love one another.”
How did Jesus love? He did not consider Himself; He did not demand His rights; He did not brag about His innocence; He did not consider His feelings. He gave Himself up – even to the point of dying on a cross. And still today He is busy giving Himself to us – He’s preparing a place for us, and constantly interceding for us. Jesus is all about loving us. I like how The Message translates Eph. 5:1-2. “Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.”
And when we do WE ARE “…A FRAGRANT OFFERING and sacrifice to God.” And our fragrance exudes to those around us. Think about it. The fragrance industry – makers of perfumes, colognes, after shaves, body lotions – is a multi-million dollar industry. Why? People like to exude an attractive fragrance, to draw attention and please those around them. To imitate God is to love as Christ loved and to spread the fragrance of Christ to those around us. Being like God is a smelly business!
When I was pastor at a church in Grand Rapids, the local chapter of the women’s Bible Study Fellowship met weekly in our facility. It was a large group of a couple hundred women and they used the sanctuary and most every room. On those days, because of their perfumes, there was always an amazing fragrance in the air – it was evident immediately upon entering through any door of the church. They were a distinct fragrance every time they gathered. If we imitate God, and love as Christ loves, we too will give off a distinct fragrance. And not only will the fragrance rise up as a pleasing aroma to the throne of heaven, but it will spread to those around us. All our relationships flow out of our relationship with God. So focus on your relationship with Him. Imitate God. Love as Christ loves. Be his fragrance to the world.
(1) Reported in Preachingtoday.com
(2) Ibid
(3) From www.outlinebible.org
