Summary: God’s commands are fences to keep us from pain, not from fun. . . we look at Commandment #5 - Honor your parents. *HANDOUT INCLUDED*

For a CD of over 100 of sermons by Darrell Stetler II (most complete with handouts), please e-mail darrellstetler2@sbcglobal.net.

NOTE: I am using a modified outline of a sermon I found on sermoncentral.com. I regret that I do not know the name of the sermon or contributor.

"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12

The first 4 commandments deal with our relationship with God. This is appropriate, because we are to love God first. . . Jesus said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart. . .” was the first commandment, and most important. These are the VERTICAL commands.

But the second most important commandment is to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” So it’s appropriate that the final 6 commandments deal with our relationships with others. These are the HORIZONTAL commands.

It’s no shock that this command would make it’s way into God’s 10 principles for preventing pain. . . this one prevents a lot of pain! Children who learn to honor their parents are WAY better off.

When my daughter lost her last baby tooth, I was weary of the Tooth Fairy and decided it was time to dispel this childhood myth. "Kelli," I said, "You know how the Easter Bunny is really Mommy, and Santa Claus is, too?" "Yes," she replied, a bit warily. "Well, there’s one more person who is really me. Can you guess who that is?" Slowly, Kelli’s eyes grew big as saucers and her mouth dropped open. In a small, awe-filled voice, she said, "God?" -- Ellen Yinger, Columbus, OH. Today’s Christian Woman, "Heart to Heart."

God is invisible, and for my children (and yours) God has chosen to put us in the visible place of authority over our kids. Technically, we are God to our children right now. . . if you want to prepare your kids to obey GOD, who they can’t see, they’ve got to start by really learning well to obey YOU who they CAN see!

But our world today doesn’t value this commandment. When you watch TV shows, what are most parents like?

* Morons!!!

* Too stupid to be cool.

I mean, let’s face it: Homer and Marge do not make you want to respect them. Jimmy Neutron’s parents aren’t exactly the way to go. The dad and mom on “The Fairly Odd Parents” always come off looking like idiots.

And that is what Hollywood PROGRAMS into your kids from the time they are knee high!

Even when you do respect parents, it’s more of a “what I can get out of it” type attitude. Like the bumper sticker I saw: “Honour your parents: they haven’t written their will yet”.

But God’s command stands in sharp contrast to that attitude. It’s very simple: Honor your father and mother.

Why you should:

1. Honoring parents is a pathway to God’s blessing.

"Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you."

Deuteronomy 5:16

2. Honoring parents teaches your kids how to treat you.

“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” Galatians 6:7 (NKJV)

You realize of course that the example that you set in how you relate and deal with your parents will be the one followed by your children. We cut a groove in our children by the way we treat our parents.

“Parents wonder why the streams are bitter when they themselves poisoned the fountain.” ~ John Locke

How you can honor your parents:

“Honor” goes way beyond “obey.” It has the following ideas:

* Strengthen

* Give weight and influence to.

* Not humiliating.

1. Honor your parents by obeying them.

Paul said, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother." Ephesians 6:1-2

This is the AT HOME stage.

It’s like the little boy who was standing in the back seat of the car, riding down the road with his parents. His parents told him to sit down and put on his seat-belt because they were concerned about his safety. His father told him once, then twice, then a third time. His mother looked back and asked him to sit down. He defiantly said, "No, I will not sit down!" His father told him if he didn’t sit down he would give him the spanking of his life. So the boy sat down. But then he said, “I may be sitting down on the outside, but I’m standing up on the inside.” I’ve seen that before. There’s obedience, but there’s no respect.

The application for parents:

You’ve got to MAKE your child do it. If you fail to make your child honor and obey you, it is like letting them play in the road! You’re setting them up for problems, failure, pain and frustration for the rest of their life! If you fail to keep them inside this fence that God has set up, you’re going to be causing all kinds of unnecessary pain.

One of the ways you have to do that is by corporal punishment – also called spanking. Now, I know that those psychological idiots on TV will tell you not to spank your children, because it will “make them angry and aggressive and squelch their development.” I know that if you try it in a public place these days, you run the risk of getting arrested. By keeping your child under your authority, you teach them how to live in society in a responsible way.

“...of all those kids arrested in my city for hitting their parents, only 1.9% received any type of corporal punishment as they were being raised. Less than 2% of these aggressive, angry children were spanked! The non-spanking "experts" contend that spanking a child makes them angry and aggressive. The exact opposite is true!”

Don’t believe me? I want to prove it from two sources.

Kids who have temper fits and show other bad behavior when they’re young may end up in prison cells when they’re older, says a new British study... they found that certain childhood behaviors were associated with later criminal behavior. . . habitually disobedient children had a 170% higher risk. . . Tantrums were linked to a 261% increased risk of an adult conviction for violence...

But it’s even more serious than preventing your kids from winding up in prison:

“Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell.” Proverbs 23:13 (NKJV)

2. Honor your parents by valuing their advice.

"A wise son heeds his father’s instruction..." Proverbs 13:1

So, a lot of kids say, “Sweet! Once I’m out of the house, I don’t have to obey any longer. I hate these rules, and when I’m 18, I’m OUTTA here, baby!”

I’ll admit that from the Bible you don’t technically have a responsibility to OBEY your parents every command after you move out on your own. However, the command to HONOR your parents goes a lot deeper and broader than simply obeying when you’re 5 years old! It has to do with honoring their advice, their wisdom. . .

Let me ask you this: If you move out at 18, and start living a life that is totally against your parents wishes (like a “sex, drugs and rock and roll” life), or shacking up with someone, or blowing all your money, and living off the government instead of making a living, and making them feel humiliated at the kind of life you’re living. . . can you honestly stand before God when you die, and say, “Sure, I honored my parents?”

3. Honor your parents by showing your appreciation.

"When your mother is old, show her your appreciation." Proverbs 23:22 (TEV)

This can be as simple as a phone call, a card, a letter. . . let them know what they mean to you!

At the funeral of a father or mother, I’ve never heard anyone say, “I wish I had spent less time telling them that I loved them and appreciated what they did for me.”

4. Honor your parents by helping meet their needs.

"But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show their commitment to God at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.....But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8 (NKJV)

This was the first Social Security. FDR didn’t invent social security, and it wasn’t supposed to be the government’s job! God laid out a plan for taking care of the elderly in a way that shows respect for them.

They call the generation that still has kids at home or at college and is taking care of elderly parents “the sandwich generation.” I know there’s a lot of stress and expense involved there. I’m not saying it has to be in your home that you care for them. But honoring your parents

5) Honor your parents by forgiving their failings.

"If you let the sun go down while you are still angry, the devil is going to have a foothold in your life.” Ephesians 4:26-27

I know there are some of you here today thinking, “I am NEVER going to be able to honor HIM/HER. . . Not after what he/she’s done.”

I’m probably talking to some people whose parents:

* divorced, and left you hanging.

* fought, and you were caught in the middle.

* abused you physically.

*

Dr. Laura Schlessinger made these comments “It is possible to maintain cordial contact, assist a bad parent with such basic needs as food or housing and medicine, and not spend a lot of time marinating in negativity in front of them or behind their back. It may not be ideal, and it may not salve your feeling, but that small something you do ennobles your soul anyway.”

Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a choice to not hold on to anger or the desire for revenge.

CONCLUSION

Now I realize that there are probably some of you here who are all knotted up inside, the stomach acid is boiling and you’re thinking, “Like that’s ever going to happen, after the way they treated me.” And unfortunately that is the reality of today that when ever you speak about parents there is someone in the group who was abused, physically, emotionally or sexually while they were growing up. Some of you may have grown up in the homes of alcoholics or workaholics, abusive or neglectful perhaps you had parents who were distant or cold and uncaring. And you want to cry out “how can I honour people who are un-honourable?” “How do I honour someone who never once honoured me?”

What is God asking of you this morning, is God asking you to put on a mask an pretend it never happened?

No, He is not. He knows how sorry your parents were! But he’s here this morning to ask you to take this step toward honoring your parents – forgive.

Give up your right to hold bitterness and a desire for revenge. Give up your right to always think of them with contempt.

Then, ask God to begin using you as a channel for his love. You can’t create love in your own heart. God is the source of love. Ask him to simply pour his love for them into your heart. . . and OVER TIME, as you continually make the choice to forgive, you’ll sense an attitude change in your heart.

Then you’ll truly be honoring your parents. . .

Extra illustrations:

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned.

~ Mark Twain

ILLUS: A study once disclosed that if both Mom and Dad attend church regularly, 72 percent of their children remain faithful in attendance. If only Dad attends regularly, 55 percent remain faithful. If only Mom attends regularly, 15 percent remain faithful. If neither attend regularly, only 6 percent remain faithful. -- Warren Mueller, Leadership, Vol. 2, no. 3.

BARNA

Nearly all parents of children under the age of 13 – 96% – contend that they have the primary responsibility for teaching their children values. Just 1% said their church has that task and 1% assigned that role to the child’s school.

Related research, however, revealed that a majority of parents do not spend any time during a typical week discussing religious matters or studying religious materials with their children.

_____________________

HANDOUT

_____________________

Respecting Your Parents

"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12

The first 4 commandments deal with our relationship with _______.

The final 6 commandments deal with our relationships with ________.

Why you should honor your parents:

1. Honoring parents is a pathway to God’s _____________.

"Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you."

Deuteronomy 5:16

2. Honoring parents teaches your kids how to treat _______.

“Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.” Galatians 6:7 (NKJV)

“Parents wonder why the streams are bitter when they themselves poisoned the fountain.” ~ John Locke

How You can honor your parents:

“Honor” goes way beyond “obey.” It also has the following ideas:

* _____________________.

* Give weight and __________________.

* Not __________________.

1. Honor your parents by _________________ them.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother." Ephesians 6:1-2

The application for parents:

You’ve got to ________ ________ __________ do it. If you fail to make your child honor and obey you, it is like letting them play in the road!

One way you have to do this: ___________________ punishment.

Recent study: Connects childhood behavior and criminal convictions.

. . .habitually disobedient children had a ______% higher risk.

. . .tantrums were linked to a ______% increased risk of an adult conviction for violence...

But it’s even more serious than preventing prison:

“Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell.” Proverbs 23:13 (NKJV)

2. Honor your parents by valuing their ______________.

"A wise son heeds his father’s instruction..." Proverbs 13:1

3. Honor your parents by showing your __________________.

"When your mother is old, show her your appreciation."

Proverbs 23:22 (TEV)

4. Honor your parents by helping meet their __________.

"But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show their commitment to God at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.....But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." 1 Timothy 5:8 (NKJV)

5. Honor your parents by _____________ their ____________.

"If you let the sun go down while you are still angry, the devil is going to have a foothold in your life.” Ephesians 4:26-27

Forgiveness is not a _____________. It is a choice to let go of ____________ and the desire for _________________.