Text: 1 Thessalonians 2:10-12, Title: Dad Duties, Date/Place: NRBC, 6/20/10, AM
A. Opening illustration: “The American male, at one time the ever present guide of close knit colonial family, left his family for the factory and the materialistic lure of the Industrial Revolution brought. The most numerous and most active members of the church, the men, who commonly debated theology in the colonial marketplace, were in time found arguing business practices in the tavern. The fathers who labored hard to instill the value of cooperation in their offspring, in time gave their children an example of unlimited individual competition. Men who once taught their children respect and obedience toward godly authority came to act as though independence was a national virtue. Men who once had an active hand in the education of their sons and daughters have relegated this responsibility to a public school system dominated by female teachers and female learning patterns. Once the leaders of social progress, American men came to look on social reform and mercy movements as women’s work.”
B. Background to passage: I haven’t preached a Father’s Day message since 2007, even though I cover family issues regularly. There are not many passages that cover all the issues that I would like to address, so I picked one, and we will do bible drill this morning. I am going to go at this from a topical approach. Recommend books: Foundations for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood by Piper/Grudem, also might go to cbmw.org, also God, Marriage, and Family by Kostenberger, and Family-Driven Faith and What He Must Be by Voddie Baucham.
C. Main thought: Biblical fathers are entrusted with a great deal of responsibility.
A. Duties to Wife
1. These duties are specific to wives, but really apply to family as a whole. This text gives the main truth that weaves its way through the entirety of this message: as a father, your number one job is to love Christ, and live like it! And your number two job, Christ commands us in Ephesians, is to love our wives as Christ does the church. “I thought this was about Father’s Day, not Husband’s day.” Fathers are also supposed to provide for their families. This doesn’t mean that wives cannot work, just simply that ultimately it is the husbands responsibility to insure that the family has its basic needs met. Husbands are also expected to protect the family, and specifically women.
2. Matt 22:37, Eph 5:25-28, 1 Tim 5:8, Pro 13:22, 1 Cor 4:14
3. Illustration: “I don’t have to have a deep meaningful conversation, just something…” Part 1, p. 379-380, RBM&W, definition: the heart of mature masculinity is a sense of benevolent responsibility to lead, provide for and protect women in ways appropriate to a man’s various relationships, “women and children first…” and getting up to check on a noise at night, read the biblical support for men protecting women from What He Must Be, p. 142
4. You are the leader of your home. Shepherd your family to pursue and worship Christ together. Do not saddle your wife with that responsibility. Many failures in the home are due to the failure of men to lead their families in righteousness. This doesn’t mean forcefully, but gently and wisely. Your wife and children need to see a living, breathing example of devotion and blamelessness before God. The people in your home, older and younger, will become like you. They will follow your example. The best thing that you can do for your family, is like wholly for Christ. Even if you fail at most of these other things. And the best thing that you can do, dads, for your children is to love their mother. Lay your life down before her, serve her, disciple her, and do this before your sons and daughters, so that your sons know how they are to treat a woman, and your daughters how they should expect to be treated. Men who are incapable of work are not included in this warning, but those who are lazy or unwilling. Fathers, you be willing to take a bullet for your wives, or take out the trash, or vacuum the floors, or go check outside when a noise is there, or protect them from unwanted advances, or from attacks from their families.
B. Duties to Children
1. Fathers have an incomprehensible responsibility to rear children because of the influence their presence and ministry have upon the life of a child. We really could spend the whole time here, and probably could spend weeks here, and probably should; for our fathers have failed to pass on a biblical understanding of fatherhood, or we have failed to listen. The statistics are overwhelming. However, time is short, so let’s look quickly at a few. Some of these things are required and carried out by both parents, but the father bears the weight of the responsibility. Biblically, fathers should 1) teach their children truth – Pro 4:1-2, 2) form and maintain a close relationship with children/young adults – Josh 4:21, 3) with God as his example, he is to love the children, 4) delight in them – Pro 23:24, 5) comfort them and 6) encourage them – 1 Thess 2, 7) to warn and discipline them – Eph 6:4. All of this requires time! Specifically, to sons, fathers are to give them an example, train them, and charge them of their duties as a Christian man. Specifically to daughters, fathers are to guard their hearts, and help them choose a proper mate.
2. Pro 4:1-2, Josh 4:21, 1 John 4:19, Pro 23:24, Eph 6:4,
3. Illustration: “My two sons like sports…My daughter is a teenager…” Part 2-3, p. 379-380, RBM&W, “History and instinct tell us that a society that does not encourage responsible fatherhood will pay for its failure in future generations.” –Lyndon Johnson, provoking children could include: excessively severe discipline, unreasonably harsh demands, abuse of authority, arbitrariness, unfairness, constant nagging and condemnation, humiliation, and other forms of gross insensitivity to a child’s needs. “the biblical father is the picture of a father who takes his responsibility before God and his family seriously. These duties represent a noble calling and humbling responsibility. Far from the manipulative, controlling chauvinist, this portrait is of a concerned, conscientious, involved father who is sensitive to the strengths, weaknesses, hopes, dreams, gifts and fears of his daughters (and sons) and is committed to shepherding them biblically.” –Voddie B.
4. Mothers will be held accountable too, but the buck stops at dad. Fathers, take the responsibility to insure that your children are educated properly. Make sure that they know the gospel and the deep and foundational truths to the faith, make sure that they are reared in the fear of the Lord. Use teachable moments, family devotions, and shared time to teach biblical truths. Talk of them when to sit in your house, lie down, rise up, walk in the way, all the time; continually be relating life to biblical truth. Invest your time in them, know them, learn about their world, know their friends, intentionally and periodically take them out as individuals. Stay close to them. Love your children, biblically. Sacrifice your agenda for their good. Let them know that you love them. The husband who told the counselor, “I told my wife I loved her when we got married, and I will let her know if I change my mind.” Let your children be the delight of your life behind Christ and your wife. Examine your priorities. Children are not a burden to bear, but an inheritance from the Lord. Fathers, you are to be there for your kids when they are heart-broken or suffering. Friends on FB or a school are good, but parents with a close relationship with their kids are the chief counselors and strength. Encourage them in their frustrations, and gently lead them to the place that you know that God wants them to be through encouragement. Tell about the man yesterday who needed some encouragement, and a warning. Fathers, you also have the primary responsibility to discipline. If you are there, you take the lead in discipline. If you are not, insure the children that if they disobey their mother, there will be hell to pay. And follow through. Shepherding a Child’s Heart is the best book on discipline that I know. But discipline them wisely, not angrily, so as not to provoke them to wrath. Give some examples. All of these require a great deal of time, and continue to be more and more difficult as your young people get closer to being on their own. Adults at 13… But you may have to sacrifice some of your hobbies, your overtime (maybe that new car, boat, or golf clubs), your progression corporately (at the end of your life, you will not think that you should have worked more or harder if your children are lost).
C. Duties to Grandchildren (ext. family)
1. Wanted to include this because many of your are grandparents now. Some of you are aunts and uncles, even though you may not have kids of your own. Some of you have the opportunity to make disciples from other young people whose parents are not there for them. Duties of grandparents include: spoiling your grandkids (just kidding); 1) be a prophet to them; 2) be a priest for them; 3) be an evangelist; 4) be a legacy leaver with your faithfulness and enduring words and examples.
2. Illustration: Dr. Rowland Taylor of Hadley 1555 on trial for heresy against the Rom Cath Church, "And although I know, that there is neither justice nor truth to be looked for at my adversaries hands, but rather imprisonment and cruel death: yet know my cause to be so good and righteous, and the truth so strong upon my side, that I will by God’s grace go and appear before them and to their beards resist their false doings." Then he in a letter to his wife and children, "I say to my wife, and to my children, The Lord gave you unto me, and the Lord hath taken me from you, and you from me: blessed be the name of the Lord! I believe that they are blessed which die in the Lord. God careth for sparrows, and for the hairs of our heads. I have ever found Him more faithful and favorable, than is any father or husband. Trust ye therefore in Him by the means of our dear Savior Christ’s merits: believe, love, fear, and obey Him: pray to Him, for He hath promised to help. Count me not dead, for I shall certainly live, and never die. I go before, and you shall follow after, to our long home." He took up his daughter, Mary, in his arms, embraced his other daughter and wife, prayed for them, and said, “farewell my dear wife; be of good comfort, for I am quiet in my conscience. God shall stir up a father for my children.” Then said this to his son, "Almighty God bless thee, and give you his Holy Spirit, to be a true servant of Christ, to learn his word, and constantly to stand by his truth all the life long. And my son, see that thou fear God always. Fly from all sin and wicked living. Be virtuous, serve God daily with prayer, and apply thy book. In anywise see thou be obedient to thy mother, love her, and serve her. Be ruled by her now in thy youth, and follow her good counsel in all things. Beware of lewd company of young men, that fear not God, but follows their lewd lusts and vain appetites. Flee from whoredom, and hate all filthy lying, remembering that I they father do die in the defense of holy marriage. And another day when God shall bless thee, love and cherish the poor people, and count that thy chief riches to be rich in alms. And when thy mother is waxed old, forsake her not, but provide for her to thy power, and see that she lacks nothing. For so will God bless thee, give thee long life upon earth, and prosperity, which I pray God to grant thee."
3. These are all commissions to fathers, as well as grandfathers and uncles, etc. Remember that your goal is to help these children attain maturity and godliness; and you can teach great lessons that parents can’t teach with your spoiling. Think about what your gifts can teach. Preach to your family! Not in a nagging way, nagging tends to distance rather than draw. But in a way that is wise and sweet, and makes them desire to hear the words and the leading of the Lord through you. Live these truths, not the American Dream of wealth, comfort, and security. And preach to them to the gospel! Be an evangelist to your family. Many of you have children and other family that are lost or definitely not teaching the gospel to their kids. You may be the only one in the family who is their to teach/preach the gospel of Christ to them. Look for ways, not naggingly, to share the gospel. Talk about Nana Camp. Fast and pray for your grandchildren. Go to bat for them on your knees. I have know many a mother or grandmother that have virtually prayed their children and grandchildren into heaven and out of destruction. Strive to live in such a fashion that you will impact generations after you are gone. Tell of my great, great grandfather who was an elder in a Cumberland Presbyterian Church, lost on the family. Let your faithfulness and devotion and passion for Christ be known of in the family for years and generations to come long after you are gone. Be faithful, not perfect, but faithful, radically committed to Christ down to the end, so you are viewed as a hero of sacrifice for the gospel in their minds, pointing them to the greatest Treasure in whom the greatest joy of life is found, and by whom is obtained the greatest rewards. NEVER QUIT!
A. Closing illustration: Story about the mom crawling to get to the children ejected from the truck, p. 387 of RBM&W , God as our example, “When we look at the Father…” p. 384, RBM&W,
B. Remember grace, and the promises of God to walk with you and give you aid
