Text: 1 Tim 5:1-2, Title: How to Handle Confrontation, Date/Place: WHBC, 8.19.18, AM
A. Opening illustration: The bad news is ------the church is like a family. If any athlete was known for focus, it was Michael Jordan. In Jordan’s book, Driven from Within, Fred Whitfield, president and chief operating officer of the NBA’s Charlotte Bobcats basketball team, tells a fascinating story about something Jordan did while getting ready to go out one evening. When Jordan asked if he could borrow a jacket from Whitfield, he found that Whitfield’s closet was filled with both Nike and Puma products. The Nike outfits had been given to Whitfield because of his relationship with Jordan, who had a lucrative contract with the company. The Puma outfits had been given to Whitfield because of his relationship with ex-basketball player and Puma representative Ralph Sampson. Whitfield recalls that Jordan walked into the living room, laid all the Puma gear on the floor, and went into the kitchen to grab a butcher knife. When Jordan returned to the living room, he proceeded to cut all of the Puma clothes to shreds. He then picked up the scraps and carried everything to the dumpster. Once Jordan came back inside, he turned to Fred and said, "Don’t ever let me see you in anything other than Nike. You can’t ride the fence!"
B. Background to passage: Lots of issues and people to confront. Do it wisely. Language is that of family.
C. Main thought: Paul is instructing Timothy how to handle the confrontation of sin in the family
1) Intentionally (v. 1)
a. Whole letter is about confronting issues in the church. They were to be handled immediately, rather than wait for explosive tension. Paul was concerned about this church. People were teaching false doctrine, gossiping, focusing on minutia, dressing to impressing, usurping authority, shipwrecking faith of others, and they had to be confronted, commanded, and dealt with right away.
b. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger -Eph 4:26
c. Illustration: splinters fester, wounds can get infected, even gangrene, "Life without confrontation is directionless, aimless, passive. When unchallenged, human beings tend to drift, wander and stagnate. Confrontation is a gift, a necessary stimulation to jog one out of mediocrity or prod one back from extremes."
d. Unity of the church is on the line here. People’s individual relationships with Christ are on the line. The gospel is on the line and its urgency would not be felt with force, if the weight of internal struggles is crushing. Confrontation does not have a bad thing. In a family environment it is necessary and helpful. However, sometimes our way of handling conflict is not good; to avoid people, give them the cold shoulder, not speak to them, make snide comments, rally troops, spread the word, exaggerate the problem, manipulate with guilt, gossip, hold grudges, publicly embarrass, or bully. We must not let conflict distract or destroy, that is the work of Satan. Deal with issues head on, in love.
2) Gently (v. 1-2)
a. The purpose of confronting sin in the family is that people might repent and not shipwreck their faith. It is always done redemptively. The goal is to restore proper relationships within the family, and with family members and God. Therefore, we must avoid any disrespect. To offend the offender is to act against the end goal. The bible commands respect for fathers and mothers
b. Argumentation
c. Illustration: Often is it not about what you say as much as how you say it. We discipline our children, but we must be careful that we do not to it in anger, we must maintain control. When I was a director of missions, I got a letter from an irate youth pastor in our association about a speaker we brought in.
d. For both older men and women, we are to have respect. Note: this works the other way too. We should be very careful about our word choice, our tone, our body language. We want to communicate love to another. However, love is not avoiding dealing with sin, rather it is a matter of sharp rebuke vs. coming alongside to encourage. Choosing the time wisely for confrontation is necessary. When people are stressed or in the heat of an argument is not the time. When you are short on time, that is not a good time. When you can only send a text, that is not a good time. Face to face is best, phone calls next, but avoid emails and texts if at all possible. If you must you email, think through every word, because tone, inflexion, facial expression, etc., cannot be seen; the same written words can be taken different ways. Ex: Supreme Court. We have a tendency to say things in an email or text that we would say face to face.
3) In Humility (v. 2)
a. The language of family here lends us to believe that hierarchical thought is to be avoided. Paul doesn’t want Timothy to feel like he is better than his brothers or sisters. Even when Joseph’s brothers came to Egypt and he revealed himself, he treated them like brothers. He also mentions purity. There are differing opinions as to whether or not he is speaking of how Timothy deals with this confrontation generally, or if he is speaking a special word here relating to Timothy being a young (probably) single man and correcting young women and the dangers that can lurk there. Both are true, not as though it doesn’t matter (it always matters what the Word means, get it right), but as far as application goes, he should handle all of these groups in purity and holiness, so as not to give a road to accusation of hypocrisy. He should also be extra careful when ministering to young ladies and women.
b. Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Gal 6:1
c. Illustration: Each one of us is about 10 seconds away from stupid.
d. Prayer is such a necessity with all of these things. In dealing with God, we are humbled, or at least should be. When we confront sin, we are to first examine ourselves. What are our real motives? Are we being the sin police, or is our true desire the spiritual condition of a family member? Ask God. We are told to do it only if we are “spiritual” or filled with/walking in step with the Spirit. If you speak from Him, your words will be true. Have the attitude that “it could have been me” or “it could be me in the future.” We are quick to say, “I would never do that,” but we probably think too highly of ourselves, and do not realize the depth of our own depravity. You attitude will be perceived by the person that you are correcting, so it better be right. Spend time in prayer before dealing with sin in another’s life. Remember though, this does not mean avoiding it.
A. Closing illustration:
B. Recap
Have any of you been confronted with a “good news, bad news” situation lately? I heard about a man who got a call from his doctor. The doctor said, “Your test results are in, and I’ve got good news and bad news for you.”
The man said, “Okay --- give me the good news first.”
The doctor said. “The good news is: your test results indicate you have 3 days to live.”
“That’s the good news?” the guy exclaimed. “For heaven’s sake, what’s the bad news?”
Well,” said the doctor, “The bad news is: I forgot to call you yesterday.”
In today’s sermon I have some good news and some bad news for you. The good news is --- the church is like a family.
The bad news is ------the church is like a family.
