CONSEQUENCES OF GOSSIP
“Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to”. (1 Timothy 5:13)
God created man as a social being. For the most part, people do not like to be alone. As a rule, we like to be with other people and we like to talk to other people. The ability to communicate brings some great blessings to mankind, but the devil also uses human communication as a means of spreading sin and grief. We are all painfully aware of the damage that can be caused by our words. The tongue is a fire and an unruly evil full of deadly poison (James 3:6, 8). Of all the sins committed with the tongue, there is one that is especially a problem for some Christians—the sin of gossip.
Gossip is idle talk and rumors about the private affairs of others. Like any other sin that brings one satisfaction and pleasure, gossip can be addictive to some people. A problem with the sin of gossip is not to be accepted, excused, or overlooked. A gossiper must work hard to overcome this sin.
Gossip is basically talking about someone in a negative way that could lead to others doing the same. It is often intentional and meant to damage someone’s credibility or reputation or simply to point out the faults (or sins) of others. It is everywhere, among men and women! Even in Christian circles.
Whether we are facing gossip among other believers or among the rest of society, it is important that we avoid being pulled into it; and more importantly, that we attempt to prevent it from spreading.
• Gossip is contagious and is one of the best strategies the enemy uses to divide us as Christians! It plays on the small (and sometimes large) thought we already have in our heads and tempts us into engaging further in discussions that only do harm to us or to others.
No one, really, is immune from being sucked into it – especially Christians! We are just as, if not more, vulnerable to and susceptible to engaging in conversation that can quickly become hurtful to someone else (or the Christian faith).
• Gossip hurts people in so many ways! Small chatter among friends can quickly explode into a much larger conversation, overheard by others not directly involved in the conversation. Many times, the stuff being talked about is only speculation with no actual proof. And even if there is “proof,” what good can come from the discussion?
• The state of our hearts is a good indication as to what is gossip.
If we are talking from a position of bitterness, especially if we’re not talking to the person with whom we are bitter, we are engaging in gossip.
If we are in anger with someone and speaking of that anger to another before speaking to the person, we are angry with, that’s gossip.
• Gossip is a negligent scattering of ungrounded accusations and misrepresentations. As Christ’s body, gossip should be far from our lips. What is not our concern is not ours to discuss.
• Gossip also occurs when we seek to protect or defend ourselves. A person may come to you appearing to seek counsel when they really just want you to agree with them. Be careful who you listen to. Listening to the gossip of others, even without actively participating in it, can cause us to take offense toward an acquaintance, close friend, leader, or even a spouse. Even when we don’t add to gossip by our words, when we choose to hear it, we are guilty by association.
• Gossip is rooted in unbelief and watered by fear. It is ultimately the overflow of a heart condition. In order to get rid of gossip’s fruits and heal its wounds, we must answer it with words of wisdom that promote reconciliation.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)
Can you honestly say that in the past month you haven’t even once talked unwholesomely, talked about one person to another in some negative way?
Have you, in the last month, talked to one person about another person, airing to the first some grievance you have with the second?
That’s unwholesome, that doesn’t build-up. It is gossip.
CONSEQUENCES OF GOSSIP
But why are we warned not to gossip? Aside from the fact that it is not fitting for God's people and that God doesn't want it, gossiping is a very dangerous thing.
1. GOSSIP REVEALS SECRETS
“A talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.” (Proverb 11:13). A talebearer is someone who “goes about” looking to dispense his gossip. He has been trusted with a secret, the contents of which can damage an individual, and has chosen to violate this trust in order to enjoy the pleasure of spreading gossip. This can damage a friendship beyond repair (Proverb 18:19). A good man will honor a friend’s confidence and protect a friend’s reputation.
There is nothing accidental about gossip or slander. It is a purposeful effort to harm another person.
2. GOSSIP IS DIVISIVE
We all know how difficult trust can be to reclaim once it’s broken. Gossip divides relationships, destroys trust, and the pain associated with gossip is felt long after the words are spoken.
Remember someone who gossips to you will gossip about you, and gossip separates friendships (Proverbs 16:28). Let’s respect our relationships and not fall into an infectious gossip trap.
Proverbs 16:27- 28 tells us that " An ungodly man digs up evil, and it is on his lips like a burning fire. A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends." Gossip, tale bearing, and whispering are the tools used by one who is intent upon causing trouble. He digs up dirt on people, whispers it to a few individuals, and then watches the destruction spread like fire. False tales and revealed secrets can turn people against one another.
Gossips divide whatever group of people it enters: families, friends, colleagues, even groups in church. It does this by spreading lies and inciting people to doubt and distrust.
When people start talking badly about someone else, it tears down their self-esteem and then causes hatred and malice, breaking apart friendship bit by bit. Friends are supposed to be loving, kind and supportive.
The damage caused by gossip is so harsh it can even destroy the closest of friendships.
“A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends.” (Proverbs 16:28)
3. GOSSIP MAKES US BELIEVE IN LIES
Gossip involves the spread of rumors that most often aren’t true. We start to say something small, real, and kind, but then it gets bigger and bigger and we embellish it more and more until it becomes a lie in and of itself. And the worst part? We don’t even notice when all the truth evaporates. You shall not circulate a false report. Do not put your hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness” (Exodus 23:1)
4. GOSSIP BRINGS ANGER
“The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue an angry countenance” (Proverbs 25:23). A backbiter is one who does not have the courage to challenge a person to their face. Instead of meeting them face to face in honest discussion or debate, they will spread lies and rumors behind their back. When these efforts are discovered, the injured party will often respond in anger. Uncontrolled anger and outbursts of wrath stir up strife and transgression (Proverbs 29:22).
A talebearer is looking to peddle his wares. Meeting a slanderer and backbiter with indignation rather than acceptance will often “drive” them away. Indeed, “where there is no wood, the fire goes out…” (Proverbs 26:20). Gossipers and backbiters would not be in business if people were not so willing to consume their product.
5. GOSSIP IS POISONOUS
Have you ever heard a Christian smack talk a co-worker with the same voice they use to praise Jesus? Their own image becomes tarnished as their gossip poisons the reputation of the person they are gossiping about. This sting of betrayal throws shade on the light of Jesus that is supposed to shine from within us.
Gossiping corrupts hearers. When we gossip about certain people to others, we poison them with the wrong things. We influence them to think wrong about people we know and don't know, even though these wrong thoughts are unfounded and false.
In a cinch, gossiping brings people down. It simply discourages people from hoping for better relationships. Speaking of others in this way shames their image and reputation, and it paints an ugly picture of the gossiper.
The Bible warns us about the danger of our tongues when we use them in the wrong way, and calls the human tongue evil and full of deadly poison (James 3:8). Let’s tame our tongues and use them wisely.
6. GOSSIP TEACHES DISRESPECT
Gossip is not only speaking badly about someone your age. It’s remarking on your teacher’s ugly shoes or telling your brother that your parents are stupid. Both of these things are deeply disrespectful, but we all do them. If you keep bad-mouthing your parents or your siblings, it’s going to get you in a lot of trouble.
7. GOSSIP DISOBEYS GOD
God did not create humans to judge each other and point out everyone’s imperfections to everyone else. In fact, the Bible repeatedly commands that we are to love one another, treat others as we would want to be treated, and love our neighbor as ourselves. Although we are blessed with freedom of speech, God’s plan for you does not include a haughty tongue (Galatians 5:13).
When we speak of others and our words aren’t motivated by love, we are being disobedient. Instead of tearing each other down and spreading gossip, God calls us to build each other up and encourage each other (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
In Proverbs 6:16-19 , there is a list of six things that God hates. What is one of them? “A false witness who breathes out lies.” And what is gossip? Saying things that are not true, and things that aren’t honoring.
Gossip is tempting to take part in, but it only hurts others (and ourselves). It murders a person’s happiness. It is the thief of joy, and disregards everything that God stands for.
God’s plan for us is not filled with evil speech and deceit. We were created in His image, so if we wouldn’t speak it in Heaven, let’s not say it on this side of eternity either.
8. GOSSIP DESTROYS A PERSON’S NAME AND REPUTATION
"The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous will be delivered" (Proverbs 11:9).
Gossips destroys others with their tongue. It paints wrong pictures of its victims and presents them in a way that isn't true, and often destroys their reputation to the point that people will hate them.
The Lord Jesus knows this to be true, because He had no sin yet false charges were made against Him.
9. GOSSIP TURNS SOMEONE TO A FOOL
The involvement in any sin committed with our words indicates to others we are a fool. “He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit. Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; when he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive.” (Proverbs 17:27-28). While a whisperer may try to hide his identity, he will eventually be exposed for what he is—a fool!
“Whoever hides hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool” (Proverbs 10:18). It’s difficult to resist a conversation where entertaining tidbits about someone are being exchanged, but what’s really to be gained from it? Often, we join a discussion simply to feel included or make small talk; but there is no profit from tearing another person down or spreading rumors.
Let’s choose to portray wisdom with our words and stray away from foolish small talk, letting our speech reflect the wisdom of the Lord and not that of a fool. “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” (Proverbs 1:7)
HOW SHOULD CHRISTIANS RESPOND TO GOSSIP
As Christians, we should respond to gossip in the same way we are called to respond to everything else in life – with Jesus in our hearts. We should always be mindful of what comes out of our own mouths at all times. But we should also always be alert to the tactics of the enemy which can easily encourage us to participate in gossip without realizing it.
We must always, just like in every single area of our lives, be alert to the tactics of the enemy. We must always “check” ourselves because, unfortunately, we are at the most risk of falling victim to his tactics. Those who seek to build the Kingdom (Christians) are the ones the enemy will always try to recruit.
1 – MIND YOUR OWN WORDS
In an age where talking about others’ faults seem to be encouraged by the media, it is important that we make sure we are being mindful of the words that come out of our own mouths. When we speak, it should always be with love and never with something that could hurt another person.
Discouraging a culture of gossip starts with our own tongue! What we allow to come out of our mouth matters on so many levels. We always hear about using words of encouragement to build up our children and family. But every single person out there is either already our family (fellow followers of Christ) or we want them to be (to be saved). When we open our mouth to speak anything about anyone, we should always ask:
Is this going to help them or is it hurtful? What you speak out loud is heard by others, especially those with their own idle intentions; and when they hear something that isn’t absolutely helpful about another, it can quickly become hurtful because of their own agenda.
When you engage in conversation with others and sharing your thoughts, make sure what comes out of your mouth is always helpful. When speaking of another person, if it could, in any way, cause them harm – directly or indirectly – don’t say it!
“Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles” (Proverbs 21:23)
2 – ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT IS GOSSIP
The first step in responding to gossip as a Christian is to acknowledge that the conversation is gossip! Many times, we find ourselves in the middle of conversations that take sudden turns. What starts as general chatter could quickly turn to “you know what I heard about so and so” type conversations.
When you hear others talking about someone, before you indulge the conversation, ask yourself “What is the point of this conversation?” Is it to shame someone? Or maybe just to know more about someone else’s personal business?
Either of these should give you a clear sign that you are about to be enticed into a gossip conversation! Don’t let yourself be drawn into it!
“The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous will be delivered.” (Proverbs 11:9)
3 – CONFRONT GOSSIP AND SHUT IT DOWN
Once you’ve realized that a conversation is, in fact, gossip, you have two options:
• Ignore it and walk away
• Confront it and shut it down
As followers of Christ, walking away and ignoring a slanderous or gossipy conversation is really no better than engaging in the conversation. When we don’t attempt to stop the discussion, we are, in essence, keeping the fire going.
Instead, we should find a way to confront it and stop it from happening or progressing any further.
How can we do this without causing issues?
• Change the subject – When we get together with a group of others and start talking about this and that, honestly, there are often multiple conversations happening at once. When you see a group indulging in gossip about someone, change the subject to something else that might be more interesting or get their attention.
• Redirect to a more positive discussion about the person – This is often an easier way to distract from the negative discussion about a person. When I hear others talking bad about someone or pointing out some flaw in them, I like to simply point out (and go overboard with it) something great about them. It could be something they’ve done, a kind gesture you’ve witnessed them giving someone when (they thought) no one was looking – just something that can put them in a positive light to break the “mob mentality” of a negative conversation.
4 – TURN GOSSIP INTO AN OPPORTUNITY FOR PRAYER
This one is much easier to do when responding to gossip among other Christians, but even among non-believers, prayer is also helpful. Once you’ve changed the subject and/or redirected the conversation to something more positive about the person, encourage the group to pray for that person.
Remind them that whatever that “thing” is that is bothering them about this person, that prayer is so much more helpful than idle chatter and gossip. Because at the end of the day, isn’t that what we are called to do with our mouth? To speak life into others? To use our words to build others up?
And the best way to build them up is through prayer!
And let’s not forget to ask God to help us as well. To help us in keeping our tongues under control and to be used only to bring Him glory!
“Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3)
FINAL NOTES
Gossip destroys people. Gossip destroys the church. Gossip destroys the body of Christ.
I encourage you to always be mindful of what you are about to speak. And be alert to situations that can easily engage you into a gossipy conversation as well. And I pray that you have the courage to not just avoid those who gossip – but to confront them (in a loving way) and shut down this tool of the devil so it won’t be able to carry out the mission it was intended for (destroying lives).
As Christians, we must always use our words with the same loving intention that Jesus would have used. We must always avoid using our words to hurt or break down others. Our words should always be used to build others up and speak life into them.
And when we have the chance, we should use them to teach others to do the same.
“He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets; therefore, do not associate with one who flatters with his lips.” (Proverbs 20:19)
Have you been deceived into “innocently” talking about someone who has offended you or received something you wanted? Have you used gossip to make yourself look better than someone else? Repent and ask the Holy Spirit to address the issue at its roots.
“Finally, brethren, farewell. Become complete. Be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.” (2 Corinthians 13:11)
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29).
WORKS CITED
1. " 4 Powerful Ways Christians Should Respond to Gossip" by LeeAnn @ Kingdom Bloggers.
2. "The Roots of Gossip" by Lisa Bevere.
3. " 5 Consequences of Gossip" by KayleighAnne Stanton.
4. "The Sin of Gossip" by Heath Rogers.
5. "What does the Bible say about gossip?" by Abbie Sharpe.
6. "3 devastating effects of gossip" by JB Cachila.
7. "Gossip: The 8th Deadly Sin Proverbs 18:8" by Charles Kimball.
8. Several sources from the Internet.
9.https://www.churchofchristcalgary.com/uploads/5/4/7/5/54754623/overcoming_sin__9_gossip.pdf
James Dina
Jodina5@gmail.com
25th August 2020
