Alba 6-18-2023
BRINGING UP CHILDREN
Ephesians 6:1-4
Maybe you’ve heard the old story about fatherhood that says that when a child is 4 years old he says proudly, "My dad knows everything about everything." When he is 7 he says, "Dad knows almost everything about everything."
When he is 12 he says, "Well, it’s only natural that Dad doesn’t know everything." When he is 14 he says, "Dad is old fashioned." When he is 21 he says, "Dad is hopelessly out of step with the times."
When he is 25 he says, "Maybe Dad does know something about a few things." When he is 35 he says, "Maybe we ought to call Dad and check this out with him."
When he is 50 he says, "I wonder what Dad would have thought of this?" And when he is 65 he says, "I sure wish I could talk to Dad again."
Ephesians 6:1-4 says this: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother,' which is the first commandment with promise: 'that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.' And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
Today is Father’s Day, which should remind us that we have a Heavenly Father, our God, who sent His only begotten Son into this world. And that Son loved us enough that He went to the cross to take the punishment for our sins. And our Heavenly Father continues to watch over us.
But not every father models what our Heavenly Father does, so this scripture in Ephesians chapter six is appropriate to help us understand the role of a father in the home. In both the letters to the Ephesians and the Colossians, fathers are singled out for special instructions.
Why is this? Because often the father is the one who neglects his responsibility. Many a man has transferred most of the child raising responsibilities to this wife. In some instances, the husband has literally done this by telling the wife that “the kids” are her responsibility.
In many cases this is unannounced, but happens by default. A father becomes so involved in his activities and concerns that he does not “have time” to help with the children.
Unfortunately you will find a lot of fathers out there who are not taking care of their kids. They get the woman pregnant and they take off, and then they don't pay any child support.
Shirking responsibility also happens when a father allows the government to provide for the kids. In America today it's too easy to get too comfortable with letting the government (a.k.a. the taxpayer) to provide for your kids.
It's too easy to develop an entitlement mentality. There are stories of parents who have a bunch of kids and blame the system for not taking care of them. There's something seriously wrong with that line of thinking.
We are responsible for taking care of our kids, not the taxpayers. That doesn't mean one shouldn't accept help when needed. Some people are too proud to accept assistance. That shouldn't be either. But a real man will accept the responsibility of doing his best to raise the children that he has fathered.
Do you remember the song "Where Have All the Flowers Gone"? The Song ended with the words, “When will they ever learn, when will they ever learn." Today we could reword the title of that song and ask, “Where Have All the Fathers Gone?”
Studies and news articles recently have pointed out that a lack of a father figure was a common denominator in much of the poverty in America. And many of those who are in prison have come from a fatherless home.
Remember back in the 60’s when Robert Young played "Father Knows Best" on TV. He portrayed the ideal father. He was always shown wearing a coat and shirt and necktie, even at home. His wife baked cakes and cookies, and kept the house spotlessly clean.
Whenever the children had problems, she always told them, "When Dad comes home and he’ll have the solution." And he always did. He always spoke with great wisdom and knew just what his family should do. Back then dad was portrayed as the leader, the guide; he was admired.
The contrast between TV dads of the 50's & 60's and those of today is telling. Modern-day television sitcoms often portray the dads as being more like an additional child than a mature leader. They are portrayed as clueless and irresponsible. But that is not God's plan for a Christian father.
A Christian father is given responsibility for two specific things in bringing up his children. Our scripture says he is to “train” and “admonish” the children in his care. Other versions use the words “instruct” and “discipline”.
J.B. Phillips translation has the last part of verse four as, “Bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian discipline.” So, what does that look like?
Verse one says that children are to obey their parents in the Lord. That is a “Christian teaching”. A father has the responsibility to make that happen.
Also it is one that makes sense, because, as it says, “this is right”. God has made us in such a way that there is a very clear awareness within each of us that children ought to obey their parents. The law of nature demands it.
We instinctively know that there is something wrong when a child does not obey his or her parents.
Also it is “right” because disobedience to parents is not only a violation of natural law, it is a violation of the Law of God. Verse two quotes the fifth commandment “honor your father and your mother”. That is a reminder that obedience to parents is a requirement of the moral Law of God.
And if you turn over to Colossians 3:20 we find there another reason why Children should obey parents. That is because our love for God requires it.
That verse says, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” It “pleases” the Lord. Jesus Himself said that the best way to show our love for Him is to obey His commands. He said “If you love me keep my commandments”
Romans chapter one warns of a society that does not heed this instruction. There is a long list of things that describe the continued decline of morality that we see even now in our own country.
And Romans 1:29-31 says, “29 being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, 30 backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, 31 undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful.”
Disobedience to parents is a sign of a degenerate society heading for judgment. It is a very serious thing in the eyes of God. It always has been and it always will be.
If you want to get some idea of how seriously God regards a young persons disobedience to and disrespect for a parent, check out what it says in the Old Testament about this. (Deut 21:18-21 Lev 20:9. Ex 21:15. )
A child who was willfully and persistently disobedient even after he had been disciplined by his parents and efforts were made to make him change, such a disobedient child was to be put to death. Because such rebellion against parental authority was an abomination in the eyes of God.
I am sure that children are very happy that such Old Testament laws no longer apply today. But let me tell you that while the way in which God deals with such sin has changed, the seriousness with which He views it has not.
Again, what is the keyword for Children? It is OBEY. “Children obey your parents.” The word ‘obey’ isn’t a difficult word to understand. It involves three things – listening to some specific instruction, understanding that instruction, and carrying out that instruction.
Children must be taught to have respect for parental authority. And its not just a power grab of a parent over someone smaller. But its because if children are not taught to respect authority in the home, they will not respect authority in the rest of the world. So how does a father teach his children to obey?
Its obvious that we don’t have to learn how to be disobedient. Proverbs 22:15, says, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”
If that sounds harsh to you, consider what Hebrews 12:5-6 says. “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”
There are times in our lives when God sees the need to discipline us, to chasten us, when we are doing wrong. The goal of such discipline is that it will bring, “a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11).
Any discipline, even a spanking, should be done with the goal to bring the child into a better relationship with the parent, not simply to punish.
But if a father does not do discipline well, it might be possible to get a child to obey, but be defiant at the same time. That is not a winning situation.
Instead of trying to make children obey by means of threats of punishment for disobedience, the scripture gives a much more positive approach.
Verse two points to the rewards or the blessings that come to those who fulfill this duty. “Honor your father and mother” it says “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”
If a child has a loving respect for parents, and speaks to them and acts toward them in that way, I can tell you that it will go better for that child than to be obnoxious and sass back!
If a child thinks, “I am going to see just how much I can get by with.” That is a test of authority. It is a critical point in the whole episode of fatherhood. And a father must decide how he is going to handle it.
Our scripture says that there is a right way and a wrong way for fathers to train and admonish their children. It says, “do not provoke your children to wrath.” Other Bible translations offer insight into these words.
J.B. Phillips translation has verse four this way, “Fathers, don’t over-correct your children or make it difficult for them to obey the commandment. Bring them up with Christian teaching in Christian discipline.”
God's Word translation says, “Fathers, don’t make your children bitter about life. Instead, bring them up in Christian discipline and instruction.”
The Living Bible says, "Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves."
And the New Life version says, “Fathers, do not be too hard on your children so they will become angry. Teach them in their growing years with Christian teaching.”
Does that mean that you can never make your children angry.
When correcting their children, some parents hear their child say, “I don't love you anymore.” Should that cause a parent to give into the child's tantrum or demands?
A Focus on the Family article entitled “Five Characteristics of Biblical Discipline” says, “Christian discipline always seeks the child’s best interest. A mature parent can withstand the anger of their child and say, 'That’s okay, you don’t need to love me right now. You’ll love me for it in a few years.'”
Then the article continues, “It hurts temporarily, but to compromise your child’s welfare from fear of losing his love will hurt a lot worse later on.”
Hebrews 12:7-8 tells us that good discipline shows love. It says, “Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all.” (NLT)
None of us came from perfect homes. It may be that someone may need to reach out to a father, or a child, seeking reconciliation. An offer of forgiveness will provide release from the bitterness that's been carried.
Because, who of us are perfect in what we do? One father said, “The prayer I offer the most is that God will bless my children in spite of me, and my blundering efforts.”
Someone else said, “We dads also need to listen more. If we spoke less and listened more, maybe we would exasperate our kids less.”
The first obligation of a Christian father to his child is to be a Christian. We are to bring them up “in the Lord”. To do so requires that we live an honorable life so that our children will have reason to honor us.
We all need to ask ourselves: “Is my spiritual life worth imitating? Do I have a natural enthusiasm for things such as prayer, Bible study, church activities, and caring for the needs of others?” Spiritual guidance cannot be delegated to others.
Most fathers want to raise successful children. So what is success for the Christian? To know the will of God and do it. “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2)
Do that, and any father will be a success in bringing up children.
CLOSE:
What if children, before they can sit down for breakfast, have to ask their father what they can do to please him so that he will let them eat breakfast.
When they need lunch money for school, they first have to ask their father what would please him.
At supper time, they know that if they hadn't pleased their father, they would not have anything to eat.
And when they needed shoes or new clothes they would ask their father. “Daddy, what can we do for you so that you will buy what we need?”
All their lives, those children had to do something to please their father before he would take care of them. Not once did he say “I’m your father and I love you. Don’t worry about it.”
If they didn’t do something for him first, then he wasn’t too concerned about doing anything for them.
Most earthly fathers never do what I just described. But sadly that is how too many Christians view their Heavenly Father.
They feel that if they don't measure up in some way, or do something to impress God, that He will not provide for them.
How this must break our Heavenly Father's heart. He loves us with the greatest of loves.
