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Since I was a little shy when I was in high school, I didn’t ask many girls out on dates. So my friend came up to me one day and said, “Hey, I’ve lined you up with a great date for Saturday night. It’s all set.”

“Who is it?” I asked. It turned out to be his cousin Doris. I had never met her. In fact, I had never met any girl named Doris. “Oh, no,” I said, “I’m not going on a blind date.”

“Hey, don’t worry about this one,” my friend said. “Doris is a terrific girl. And trust me—she’s a babe. But if you don’t believe me, I’ll tell you how to get out of the date if you don’t like the way she looks. This is what I do: I go to a girl’s front door to pick her up, and when she opens the door, I check her out. If I like what I see, then great, we’re all set. But if she’s ugly, I fake an asthma attack. I go ‘Aaahhhhgggggg!’ (Hold your throat like you’re having trouble breathing.) The girl asks, ‘What’s wrong?’ And I say, ‘It’s my asthma.’ And so we have to call off the date. Just like that. No problemo.”

“Well, I don’t know...but okay, it ...

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