There is a lot to consider when planning our New Year's resolutions. Have you considered this:
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation...
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery?
I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
I don’t have a solution, but I admire your problem.
If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is a fog horn made out of?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you’re ahead"?
Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?
I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I’m in the bathroom.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Orientals throw hamburgers?
Why are they called apartments, when they’re all stuck together?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? ...
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Contributed by Tony Fox on Dec 12, 2000
ILL: This is an alleged New Year’s letter written from a church member to the pastor. Dear Pastor: You often stress attendance at worship as being very important for a Christian, but I think a person has a right to miss now and then. I think every person ought to be excused for the ...read more
Contributed by Bill Prater on Jan 3, 2001
‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house, nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I’d nibbled, the fudge I did taste, all the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a ...read more
Contributed by James Wilson on Nov 23, 2000
Focus on the Family compiled the following conclusions of the effectiveness of 25 years of addressing the search of intimacy with "safe sex" ideology. (From Fresh Illustrations) Ten percent of all 15 to 19 year-old females become pregnant each year. ("Kids Having Kids," A Robin Hood Foundation ...read more
Contributed by Steve Heartsill on Oct 25, 2000
A woman walked into her bathroom at home. As she did, she saw her husband weighing himself on the bathroom scales, sucking in his stomach. The woman thought to herself, "He thinks that he will weigh less by sucking in his stomach." So, the woman rather sarcastically said to her husband, ...read more
Contributed by Ted Sutherland on Feb 17, 2001
Charles Schultz, in a peanuts comic strip showed a conversation between Lucy and Charlie Brown. Lucy said that life is like a deck chair. Some place it so they can see where they are going; some place it so they can see where they have been; and some place it so they can see where they ...read more