"I have always felt that too much time was given before birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn’t wake up until the child was ready to start school), and not enough time is given to how to mother after the baby is born.
Motherhood is an art. And it is naive to send a mother into the arena for 20 years with a child and expect her to come out on top. Everything is in the child’s favor. He’s little, he’s cute and he can turn tears on and off like a faucet.
There have always been schools for children. They spend anywhere from 12-16 years of their lives in them, around other children who share the experiences of being a child and how to combat it. They’re in an academic atmosphere where they learn how to manipulate parents and get what they want from them. They bind together to form a children’s network, where they pool ideas on how to get the car, how to get bigger allowances, and how to stay home when the parents go on vacation. Their influence is felt around the world. Without contributing a dime, they have more ice cream parlors, recreation centers, playgrounds, and amusement parks than any grownup could ever pull off.
They never pay full price for anything.
How do they do it?
They’re clever and they’re educated.
Some people think mothers should organize and form a union. I think education is the answer. If we only knew what to do and how to do it, we could survive."
Erma goes on to say that she is one of the luckier moms whom came into motherhood with some experience.
"I owned a Yorkshire Terrier for 3 years.
At 10 months, my children could stay and heel. At a year, they could catch a frisbee in their teeth in mid air. At 15 months after weeks of rubbing their noses in it and putting them outside, they were paper trained."
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