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Text Illustrations
These are actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the

world-famous International Institute of Answering Machine Answers


*Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not

need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you


*Hi. I am probably home. I’m just avoiding someone I don’t like. Leave me a message, and if I don’t call back, it’s you.


*Hi, this is George. I’m sorry I can’t answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.


But my all-time favorite is:


*A College student had the following message on his dorm answering machine: "Hi! This is Dustin! If it’s the phone company, I sent the money. If it’s Mom or Dad, please send money. If it’s the financial office, you didn’t loan me enough money. If it’s my girlfriend, leave a message-- and don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of money!”