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A guy by the name of Herb Forst in Cross River, NY, offered some suggestions to the Reader’s Digest, p. 69 that they thought was so good they printed it. It’s entitled:

“What not to Buy Your Wife”

Although the only person a man usually shops for is his wife, the whole experience is a stressful one. Many a man has felt extreme frigid temperatures for a long period based on a poor present decision. As a veteran of these wars, I’m still not sure what to buy my wife, but I’ll pass on what not to buy her:

1. Don’t buy anything that plugs in. (Like a new vacuum cleaner). Anything that requires electricity is seen as utilitarian.

2. Don’t buy clothing that involves sizes. The chances are one in seven thousand that you will get her size right, and your wife will be offended the other 6999 times. "Do I look like a size 16?" she’ll say. Too small a size doesn’t cut it either: "I haven’t worn a size 8 in 20 years!"

3. Avoid all things useful. The new silver polish advertised to save hundreds of hours is not going to win you any brownie points.

4. Don’t buy anything that involves weight loss or self-improvement. She’ll perceive a six-month membership to Weight Watchers as a suggestion that’s she’s overweight.

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