To make it possible for everyone to attend church this Sunday, we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday":
• We will provide pillows to nap for those who need the extra sleep on Sunday morning.
• We will have extra cushions for those who feel that our pews are too hard.
• We will pass out fans for those who think the church is too hot, and have shawls available for those who think it is too cold.
• We will provide hearing aids for those who can't hear, and ear plugs for those who think the service is too loud.
• The sermon will be two minutes long for those who object to long sermons, but will thoroughly cover a significant passage from scripture for those who want it to be Biblical and relevant.
• We will let everyone pick their favorite hymn and sing it, so everyone will like at least ONE piece of music.
• We will provide an adult only section for adults who don’t like kids, and a family section for those who have kids. There will be a teen section for teens who don’t like either one.
• Prepared Meals will be available for those who can't go to church and cook dinner, too.
• For those worried about all of the hypocrites that come, we want to assure you not to worry, there is always room for one more.
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