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ILL: This is an alleged New Year’s letter written from a church member to the pastor.

Dear Pastor:

You often stress attendance at worship as being very important for a Christian, but I think a person has a right to miss now and then. I think every person ought to be excused for the following reasons and the number of times indicated.

Christmas Holidays (the Sunday before & after) 2

New Years (the party lasted too long) 1

Easter (get away for the holidays) 2

July 4th (national holidays) 1

Labor Day (need to get away) 2

Memorial Day (visit hometown folk) 1

School closing (kids need a break) 1

School reopens (one last fling) 1

Family reunions (mine & wife’s) 3

Sleep late (stayed up too long Saturday night) 9

Deaths in family 2

Anniversary (second honeymoon) 1

Sickness (one per family member) 5

Business trip (a must) 1

Vacation (three to four weeks) 6

Bad weather (ice, snow, rain, clouds) 2

Ball games...

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