Some may think that putting boundaries on sex (something we were created to do) is harmful, but let me assert that boundaries actually prevent harm.
Next month, we are going to have a church-wide bon-fire. But what if I told you that once everyone is seated and chatting, we will remove all the boundaries for the fire, and we will even encourage the fire to move to the places where people are sitting and where the cars are parked. Would you come that night? No! You want the fire contained where it is enjoyed but not dangerous. In the same way, sex is designed for enjoyment but can be extremely dangerous physically and emotionally, and is dangerous spiritually when the boundaries are removed.
But some of you are saying, “What about a committed relationship? We plan to get married someday. Why can’t we have sex?”
Do me a favor. Go to a Hummer dealership and say this: “I would like to purchase a new Hummer fully loaded. I promise to make all the payments, but I refuse to sign a contract. Why do we need a contract anyway? I am committed to giving you money once a month. Isn’t that enough for you to give me all that pleasure?”
See what they say. “Oh we believe you will be committed, but we need to keep it legal. If you are going to receive the pleasure, you also get the responsibility. What if you get tired of driving this Hummer, and just bring it back. You wouldn’t be obligated to finish what you started with the first one. No. You will need a contract.”
In the same way, sexual pleasure is a benefit reserved for those who have signed the contract. In Ephesians five we see that God designed marriage to be a picture of what occurs between Christ and the church. Christ has given Himself to us and us to Him into a personal relationship! To make marriage anything less than total monogamous commitment by contract is a display of gross misunderstanding of God’s intentions.
In addition, you have no guarantee of another moment in life. What if you die before you have the opportunity to covenant?
Next, if the relationship is a committed one, then why not get married? Put your money where your mouth is. Stop talking about your commitment and prove it.
One more thing: (I am not telling you anything you don’t already know.) The guilt you feel and the questions you ask are God’s work and your conscience. That is your answer. Stop fooling around with sin and just get married.