Sermon Illustrations

How Many Christians to Change a Light bulb?

CHARISMATICS: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

PENTECOSTALS: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

PRESBYTERIANS: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

ROMAN CATHOLICS: None, they only use candles.

BAPTISTS: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

MORMONS (non-Christian of course): 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

JEHOVAHS WITNESSES: None, too busy knocking on doors telling everyone they have the wrong lights.

UNITARIANS (non-Christian of course): We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

METHODISTS: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or a dim bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service.

NAZARENES: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

LUTHERANS: None - Lutherans don’t believe in change.

AMISH: What’s a light bulb?

JEWS: Where’s Jacob’s ladder when you need it?

UNBELIEVERS: None, they’d rather sit in the dark

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