Sermon Illustrations

If God had Voice Mail

Most of us have now learned to live with "voice mail" as a necessary

part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would be

like if God decided to install voice mail?

Imagine praying and hearing the following:

Thank you for calling Heaven.

For English, Press 1.

For Spanish, press 2.

For all other languages, press 0.

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for Requests.

Press 2 for Thanksgiving.

Press 3 for Complaints.

Press 4 for all other inquiries.

I am sorry; all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners

right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and we will answer

it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1.

Jesus, press 2

Holy Spirit, press 3.

If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding,

press 4.

To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5,then

enter his or her social security number, followed by the "pound" sign.

(If you receive a negative response, please hang up and try again.

For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the

numbers 3-1-6.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth,

life on...

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