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Summary: Four words that will drive a kid nuts. Use them!

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I thought it would be nice if DJ & Bailey had a Job description to go along with today’s baby dedication.

In fact, all of us could use this job description. JOB DESCRIPTION FOR PARENTS

POSITION :

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma

Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously stopped up toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must, without notice, have the ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required. On-the-job training provided.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right.

Tools Provided :

4 words…...”Because I Said So”

“BECAUSE I SAID SO”

Matthew 12: 1 - 14

When you were a kid, didn’t you hate it when your parents said "no" to something – and when you asked "why?" they just replied: "because I said so." "Well, who died and made you God?" you thought, but never dared utter.

But that experience doesn’t leave us at home. We get it at school: "why do I have to do this assignment?" "Because I’m the teacher and I said so."


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