Summary: Trust is the key ingredient for healthy relationships, but it inherently comes with the risk of betrayal.
• You cannot have happiness in relationships without trust.
• It is the key ingredient for healthy relationships.
• Trust creates safety, security and openness in relationships.
• But it inherently comes with risk of betrayal.
Matthew 26:21-26, “Truly I say to you that one of you will betray me.” Being deeply grieved, they each one began to say to Him, “Surely not I, Lord?” And He answered, “He who dipped his hand with me in the bowl is the one who will betray me. “The Son of Man is to go, just as it is written of Him; but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been good for that man if he had not been born.”
• We all fear betrayal but it was God’s plan for us to be together in relationship.
I. LEARNING TO TRUST IS LIFE-GIVING
• Trust violations have happened since humans have sinned.
Exodus 22:9, “For every breach of trust…the condemned will pay double.”
• The need to trust is so valuable to relationships; healthy people trust.
• Lonely people are more rejecting and judgmental of strangers. They live on an average 10 years less than those with relationships.
• People who trust others are not as gullible. They are in fact more able to detect who to trust and who not to trust. People with low trust tend to idolize or vilify others.
• Qualities in people to trust:
3. Accountability. They do what they say. They keep their word. If they are vague or unreachable don’t trust them.
4. Ethical – simply they are consistent with others, fair in their conduct.
5. Alliance – they have your back. If they say, “Just trust me.” Don’t! Watch their actions.
II. BETRAYAL KILLS
• Betrayal = the exposing or deceiving of ones who formerly trusted you.
Proverbs 25:9-10 NLT, “…don’t betray another person’s secret. You will never regain your good reputation.
Proverbs 20:19 NASB, “He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets, therefore do not associate with a gossip.”
• If trust is the foundation for all healthy relationships it makes sense that the loss of trust would be the greatest threat.
• Betrayal thrives in environments of low trust.
• But obviously as is the case with Judas, anyone in any situation is capable of betraying trust.
• Low trust is a process not usually an event.
• The great betrayal is sexual; an affair.
• Affairs begin when people justify wrong thinking and give themselves permission to cross small boundaries.
• Betrayal kills the soil of life. It destroys trust and breeds contempt, which always kills relationships.
III. THE ANATOMY OF AN AFFAIR
• Secrets destroy trust.
• A secret blossoms and an affair is beginning.
• Deception by omission becomes part of the lifestyle.
• Walls are breached and another person is allowed into the circle.
• Secrets create emotional distance that erodes relationships.