Summary: Decisions in Relationships
Decisions (Part 3)
Decisions in Relationships
Text: John 4:17–18 NKJV
“The woman answered and said, ‘I have no husband.’ Jesus said to her, ‘You have well said, “I have no husband,” for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.’ ”
This lesson is the third in a series of messages called “Decisions.” Everybody needs to make good decisions because decisions determine destiny. If you’ve made bad decisions, all you need is one good decision to start you out of the confusion that your bad decisions have put you in. So there is always hope. In this message, we are going to look at the decisions you make in your relationships, particularly as it applies to marriage.
Look with me in John 4:17–18. At the beginning of the chapter, we see that Jesus was waiting for His disciples to return with some food when He encountered a Samaritan woman drawing water at a well. Much to the woman’s surprise, Jesus engaged her in conversation. When the Lord asked her to call her husband, she replied that she had no husband. Jesus answered, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that, you spoke truly.”
The woman answered, “Sir, I perceive that you are a prophet” (v. 19). This man had just told her everything that she had ever done in the area of relationships, and she knew there was no way He could have known about her. But Jesus did know, just like He knows about every relationship that you’ve ever had. He knows them all.
We don’t know the particulars of the Samaritan woman’s life, but she’d lost five relationships. She’d been married five times. Maybe she gave up on marriage; we don’t know that, but when Jesus met her, she was not married but was living with a man. So when He spoke to her about her relationships, He was pointing out to her the fact that no relationship can ever truly satisfy. We, like the Samaritan woman, often think that just one more relationship will really make us happy. But like the Samaritan woman, until we learn where the living water comes from, we will never be satisfied.
If you are in a horrible marriage right now, it can become a beautiful marriage if you will allow Jesus to become the center of it. If you are living with somebody, the best thing you can do is to tell them today that you are moving out. If you are in a relationship that you have doubts about, you might have to face the fact that that person is not the one. You may have to make hard decisions in your relationships, but sometimes those are the best decisions.
Listed below is some very practical advice on how to make good relationship decisions. There are four main principles.
Often people are far too intense and desperate for relationships. They become panicky and fearful that they will never find anybody. And even when someone does show interest, they become so obsessive and possessive with the person that they ruin the relationship. People need to relax. This is point number one about making good decisions in relationships.
Let relationships come to you. I like the story in Genesis 24 where Isaac was forty years old and still not married. He realized he was lonely and told his father he wanted a wife. So Abraham sent Eliezer, his steward, to travel a thousand miles over the desert to get a wife for Isaac. When Eliezer arrived at his destination, he prayed to know what to do: “Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, ‘Please let down your pitcher that I may drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I will also give your camels a drink’—let her be the one You have appointed for Your servant Isaac. And by this I will know that You have shown kindness to my master” (v. 14 NKJV).
I love that verse because that tells me that God has a woman for every man and a man for every woman. I know some believe there are hundreds out there and if you look hard enough, you’ll find somebody. But I believe that God has someone for you. If the Lord can make you in your mother’s womb and know everything about you before you were even born, then surely He knows who is best for you.
Here is my point: never get desperate. A woman might say, “I’m getting older; maybe it’s too late.” That is not true; God has an appointment for you. A man might say, “I’m losing my hair. I have to get married before I lose all my hair, because nobody will marry me then.” That’s a lie of the devil, just like the other.