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Summary: How to have a good home.

Family Secrets

Deut. 6:4-9

Introduction:

HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE KIDS:

MESS TEST

Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST

Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.

GROCERY STORE TEST

Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight & pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST

Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST

Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST

Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag & fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it in water. At 3:00pm begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00pm.Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

AUTOMOBILE TEST

Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

PHYSICAL TEST (Women)

Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won’t be wearing them for a while.

PHYSICAL TEST (Men)

Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a

newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT

Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child’s table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

There are so many dysfunctional families today.

A dysfunctional family is dysfunctional because of unmet needs.

Whether it¡¦s:

„h a physical need,

„h an emotional need,

„h an intellectual need or

„h a spiritual need, dysfunctional families are dysfunctional because somebody, sometime, somewhere failed to meet a need.

That¡¦s why you find throughout the Bible dysfunctional families.


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