Summary: Understanding what it means to be a really great husband.

15, September 2002

Dakota Community Church

All The Kings Men

Part: 2 – Husbands


Young husbands it seems to me are often very slow to figure out what they are supposed to be doing in this role. Some never get it!


The role of husband is likely the most important one you will play this side of heaven.

What’s the big deal Pastor Dan?

Ephesians 5:31-32

31"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

The husband/wife relationship is supposed to reflect the Christ/church relationship. Patterns and types are important to God!

Ephesians 5:25

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Colossians 3:19

19Husbands love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

There’s a points system at work and the ladies are keeping score:


You make the bed +1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows -1

You throw the bed spread over the rumpled sheets -1

You leave the toilet seat up -5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it’s empty 0

You check out a suspicious noise at night 0

You check out a suspicious noise at night and it’s nothing 0

You check out a suspicious noise at night and it’s something +5

You pummel it with a six iron +10

It turns out to be her father -10

A Night Out

You take her to a movie +2

You take her to a movie she likes +4

You take her to a movie you hate +6

You take her to a movie you like -2

It’s called Death Cop 3 -3

Which features sexy cyborgs -9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15

Your Physique

You develop a noticeable potbelly -15

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it +10

You develop a noticeable potbelly & resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30

You say, "I don’t care because you have one too" -800

The Big Question

She asks, "Do I look fat?" -5 (Sensitive questions always start with a deficit)

You hesitate in responding -10

You reply, "Compared to what?" -35


When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression 0

When she talks you listen for over 30 minutes +5

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +15

Adapted from "The Points System," c. 2000 John Boy and Billy Inc.,

What do I have to do to be the husband God calls me to be?



Marriage is when you agree to spend the rest of your life sleeping in a room that’s too warm, beside someone who’s sleeping in a room that’s too cold.

Many people who have grown up with parents who simply tolerated each other fail to grasp the lifelong companion concept. If you don’t get it you will wind up like your parents - or divorced.

What does companionship look like?

a. Companionship means a “same team” mentality.

b. Companionship means unlimited time for communion.

c. Companionship means sharing your deepest hopes, dreams and thoughts.

Over the years I have seen many marriages ruined by husbands who will talk about deep things with buddies, co-workers, women at the office or the church and even complete strangers but refuse to talk with their wife.

2 Timothy 4:6-8

6For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. 7I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

(How do you hope to finish your race?)


The speaker at our woman’s club was lecturing on marriage and asked the audience how many of us wanted to "mother" our husbands. One member in the back row raised her hand. "You do want to mother your husband?" the speaker asked. "Mother?" the woman echoed. "I thought you said smother."


Take on the leadership role you were born for.

Ephesians 5:23

23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church

You are to behave in the marriage the way Christ behaves in the church!

You have covenant responsibilities in this union!

- To pray.

- To believe.

- To stay hooked up to the source!

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