Sermons

Summary: The Pharisees tries to turn out the light. Jesus simply turned up the wattage.

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Question: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

Aswer: TWELVE - one to do the work and 11 to serve on the committee.

Question: How many Church of Christ members does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: THREE - one to convince the light bulb to change and 2 to carry the water to baptize it.

Question: How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: FIFTEEN - 6 to do a feasibility study, 6 to decide which kind of light bulb to get, one to replace the bulb and two others to comment on how he is doing it wrong.

Question: How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: TEN - One to the change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Question: How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: NONE. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

Question: How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: ONE. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

Question: How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: AT LEAST TEN, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

Question: How many Roman Catholics does it take to change a lite bulb?

Answer: NONE. They use candles

Question: How many worship leaders using guitars does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: ONE. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

Question: How many members of a church that is over 100 years old does it take to change a lite bulb?

Answer: TEN - One to actually change the bulb, & nine to say how much they liked the old one

Question: How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: "What’s a light bulb?"

Question: How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favour or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non dark resource) and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long life, and tinted all of which are equally valid paths of luminescence.

Question: How many youth ministers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Youth ministers aren’t around long enough for a light bulb to burn out.

APPLICATION: "Lightbulb changing" jokes are popular these days. Every group of people, every profession you can imagine has been the brunt of them. WHY? Light bulbs aren’t that hard to change! Well, the reason is this: the joke isn’t so much about a “light bulb” as it about how individuals and organizations deal with every day problems and challenges. These jokes don’t so much play on the problem of changing of the light as they focus on peoples’ personality traits and weaknesses.


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