Summary: This is the 7th study in the study "Intimacy". This study looks at making up after a fight.
In our last study we found Solomon and his wife having a fight. Solomon left and his wife went looking for him. We now find the Shulamite woman talking to the women of the harem about Solomon. The women of the harem talked pretty bad about Solomon. You can see Satan trying to get into this marriage. As with anything else, if Satan can ever get a foothold he can them do some real damage. We will look at the two questions asked by the harem and the two responses given by the Shulamite woman.
Remember, this is the same women that the Shulamite woman was in competition with. The Shulamite woman asked these women for help in finding Solomon. Notice their question to the Shulamite. They were trying to “turn her” on her husband. They were saying, “Who does Solomon think he is? What is so important about Solomon? Why go find Solomon, is he really worth finding?”
We need to see what happens when we involve people into our marital problems. Now there is nothing wrong with seeking counsel, but we need to be very cautious about whom we involve. I do not recommend getting family or close friends involved because they will be forced to side up. I also do not recommend sharing your problems at work or church in groups of people. People tend to tell you what you want to hear to your face but then it becomes a source of gossip. Understand that when you tell someone something about your spouse that is negative and retaliatory and it gets back to them; it is harmful to the trust in your marriage.
The Shulamite woman had to decide if she was going to continue in the Solomon “bashing” session or say something good about her husband.
Just A Thought
How do you react when someone says negative things about your spouse, even if you are mad about them at the time?
The Shulamite woman does not seem angry with her husband anymore. Now it was o.k. for her to be mad at Solomon, but how dare these women say something bad about him. Isn’t it funny how we can mistreat the ones we love; yet if someone else does, they better watch out.
It is interesting to notice that the Shulamite woman spent most of her time discussing the physical appearance of Solomon. The reason for this is simple, dating is usually initiated because of physical attraction. The longer a couple is married, the less physical attraction seems to matter.
The women of the harem are still trying to create problems. They are now asking the Shulamite woman, “O.k. where is this great man? If he is so wonderful, why can you not find him anywhere? If he was so wonderful wouldn’t he at least have the decency to tell you where he is so you won’t worry?” They even offered to go with her to help find Solomon. At this point they only wanted to be a part of the search so they could continue on in this little game they were playing. These women are simply trying to place doubts in the Shulamite woman’s mind.
Again we must learn who we can trust with our marital difficulties. By the way, all of this fighting and running; talking and jeering; and “wishy washy” behavior is normal. It is especially normal in young marriages. It just takes time and learning more and more about your spouse to learn how to solve problems in your marriage. You also learn that it is much easier on the marriage to involve as few people in the problems as possible.
Although it seems as the Shulamite woman is discussing her sex life because she says Solomon has went to the gardens; most scholars believe this garden is referring to another love that he had; his work.
Men are to work hard for their family in order to support them. If that means doing something you hate, so be it; but it sure is great when you enjoy what you do. Solomon loved being the king and doing all of the things his job required. The danger for most men is they get their priorities out of balance. They forget that the job is there to support the family, not be more important than the family. Most men desperately want to do a good job at work. Men pride themselves upon being good workers. Sometimes while in pursuit of being “Super Employee”, men become “sorry” husbands and fathers.
On the other end of this is the woman. Women you do need to understand that in order for a man to have a good self-esteem that they have to do as good as possible at their job. That means that you do need to allow them to earn their keep. You do need to be understanding of the fact that almost any job takes many hours of the day. If you are looking for your husband to get paid this huge salary and work 3 hours a day, you are going to be disappointed. Wives, also allow your husband to work. As a former manager and supervisor of restaurants, it is extremely frustrating for a business when an employee is constantly being bombarded by calls and visits.