Summary: In a society where marriage is under attack The Bible offers an answer that teaches us what God’s Best is for a relationship between a man and a woman.
Reviewing A Few Foundational Truths
Predatory relationships do not work.
We live in a society that teaches us that we need to go after what we want. Pursue the thing that we think will fill us.
But the bible disagrees with this.
James 1:14-15 But each person is tempted when he is drawn away and enticed by his own evil desires. Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death.
Remember that we do not know what we really need. And If we grew up in a dysfunctional family we especially do not know what we need.
Pursuing a relationship with another person to have them complete you, fill you or, meet your needs is based in selfish desire and will ultimately destroy the relationship if the pattern is not broken. It is predatory demanding of the other. It has nothing to give only to take. It will drain the mate, exhaust the mate and the mate will be slowly destroyed by the constant demand of the predator. After the mate dies from the predator the predator will move on to it’s next victim leaving a destroyed and unable to be of worth to another. It is emotional murder to approach a relationship like this. One must find his or her needs met in the never ending source of Jesus Christ. Who never runs dry and can fill us.
The Only Love worth pursuing is God Because God Is Love.
Without God’s Love you have nothing of value to offer anyone else.
Anything you have to give is counterfeit and its days are numbered.
Unselfish love is the "glue" that holds families together. In marriage we must subdue our own egos and selfish pride for the sake of the family. The Apostle Paul states it eloquently in this passage from First Corinthians:
Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (NAS, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
AO-TIGER spells disaster.
(Anything other than involving God every relationship)
This is true in any relationship for any purpose.
For us to have a friendship/relationship/marriage/working or whatever without having as our goal to glorify God with that is a waste of time. Just getting along with someone and failing to tell them they are in danger of eternal damnation is selfish and mean. It makes you a sadist. You are enjoying their company and companionship while putting them in danger of destruction. That is as god a definition of sadism as I can muster.
It is unhealthy and unproductive.
You cannot be a good spouse if you do not know what Good is.
You cannot lead where you have never been!!!
You cannot give what you do not have!!!
Once the Foundation is poured you are ready for marriage.
This does not mean that you are perfect. Just sold out. There is no other option for you. You and whoever you marry will likely give your life to pursue together the love of God which is found in Christ.