Summary: Helping people avoid the common myths that hinder us from enjoying marriage

Myths About Love and Marriage

Dr. David Ibeleme

1. The "Perfect Couple" Syndrome.

There is no perfect couple. No Marriage is "made in heaven" - Matt. 22:25-30.

"You" are not anybody’s rib - Gen. 2:22ff.

Marriage is a perfect relationship between two imperfect people.

It’s the union not the couple that is perfect - Hebs. 13:4.

2. The "Best Spouse" Syndrome.

Your spouse is not the best husband/wife in the world.

"Best" indicates comparing three (3) objects.

Stop comparing your spouse with someone else or someone else’s.

Be content with him/her being "good" - Pr. 18:22.

3. No Human Element in Choosing Your Spouse.

Marriage is an "earthly phenomenon not a heavenly one". It is heavily dependent on man’s choice and God respects this fact - Deut. 30:19ff; Is. 1:19; Gen. 24:8, 57ff.

You have the responsibility of choosing your spouse - Pr. 18:22 says "he (not God) that findeth".

God can lead you in choosing your spouse but He does not choose your spouse for you - Gen. 24:27.

4. Marriage Is The Way To Find True Happiness.

If this was so then Jesus and the Apostle Paul must have lived really sad lives.

The Bible would have encouraged everyone to marry - 1 Cor. 7:25-26.

The analogy of the flies and the dead body - "out wanting in and in wanting out".

5. Pre-Marital Counselling Immunes You From Attacks

No counselling can prevent attacks to your marriage - 2 Tim. 3:12.

Whether you build your house on solid rock or on sand the winds, storms and the rains are bound to come, its not if but when - Lk. 6:46-49.

Counselling is designed to help you handle the attacks not to stop them.

Get counselling either directly or in-directly.

6. Christians Do Not And Cannot Divorce

So many believers are getting divorced these days.

There are scriptural grounds for divorce - Deut. 24:1-3; Mat. 5:31ff; 1 Cor. 7:12ff

Do not take your marriage for granted.

God hates divorce so we must fight to preserve our marriages - Mal. 2:14ff.

7. Your Marriage Cannot Be Saved

We can choose to save our marriages - Is. 1:19; Deut. 30:19.

No marriage is doomed to be destroyed once the "participants" choose to save it.

No marriage is beyond redemption once the individuals involved are willing to salvage it - Neh. 4:14ff

With God all things are possible - Lk. 1:37.

8. Once You "Love" Someone Satisfaction Is Guaranteed

The union needs more than the two people who believe they love one another.

Marriage impacts on others besides the two individuals that are married Gen. 24/29.

Several factors like backgrounds, cultures and socio-economic status are important.

Even disease conditions like sickle disease carrier state can impact on who you marry.

9. Your Spouse Is Your Enemy

We do not wrestle against flesh and blood - Eph. 6:12.

The devil and his cohorts are our real enemies not our spouses - 1 Pet. 5:8.

Seeing your spouse as your enemy will not exempt you from having to love him/her - Mat. 5:44.

10. Marriage Has Lost Its Usefulness

Marriage is honourable in all - Hebs. 13:4.

God values and honours marriages - Mal. 2:14ff.

Irrespective of the people’s experiences or prevailing societal values

He likens it to the relationship between Jesus and the Church - Eph. 5:22-33.

11. You Don’t Have To Marry A Christian

We are admonished not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers - 2 Cor. 6:14ff.

How can you be guaranteed a happy marriage when you’re not doing it God’s way?

Abraham understood this - Gen. 24:1-4.

12. Until Your Spouse Changes Your Relationship Can’t Survive

Marriage is a relationship between two imperfect people

Both parties need to change though it takes only one of them to commence the process - 1 Pet. 3:1ff.

Each individual is responsible for their actions - Gal. 6:4-5.

You are only required to judge your own actions not your "neighbour’s" - Lk. 7:1-5.

A bitter husband cannot love his wife - Col. 3:19.

A nagging wife is horrible to live with - Pr. 19:13, 25:24.

Get counseling either directly or in-directly.

Direct counseling involves being counseled by a recognized counselor.

In-direct counseling is counseling via books, tapes, seminars etc.

13. Your Spouse’s Desires Are More Important Than Yours

Your union’s needs (not your spouse’s) are greater than either of you.

It is your union (marriage) that is honourable "in all" not your spouse - Hebs. 13:4.

There has to be collective responsibility - Eph. 5:21.

Mutual courtesy is required - 1 Pet. 3:8-11.

14. The Husband Is The Spiritual Head Of The Wife

The husband is the domestic head of the home/wife - 1 Cor. 11:3ff.

Jesus is the spiritual head of every believer - Eph. 4:15.

Distinguish between being In-Christ and being In-Marriage

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