We come today to our last tip from God on how to strengthen and lengthen our relationships. We have learned about LOVE, ENCOURAGEMENT, FORGIVENESS, SERVICE, and YIELDING and I hope you have been able to practice some of these things to help any relationships that you may be in. Todays tip on relationships has to do with ACCEPTING the fact that everyone has their own opinions about things and being able to adjust and live with it and still get along.
PRAYER
In a perfect world everyone would agree with me; everyone would bring up their kids like I do; everyone would sing the songs I like; everyone would spend their money like I spend mine. What a wonderful world it would be if everyone started reading from the right script, which just so happens to be the one in my hand.
But the reality is, I don’t live in a perfect world. . . and neither do you. We don’t see eye-to-eye. The question for each of us is: What do we do when we disagree?
We can spend an enormous amount of time persuading the other person to subscribe to our point of view, but what if that approach doesn’t work? And most times it doesn’t. What happens then? If the relationship over? Of course not. Or it doesn’t have to be.
Well, in the book of Romans, Paul teaches us to remain humble when we have differences in opinion. Yes, some grounds are worth defending and there are times when we need to stand our ground, but Paul helps us to see where to draw those lines and still get along with each other. His instructions guide us to maintain these strong relationships in spite of any and every difference of opinion.
First of all, let me say that strong relationships are not hindered by differences in opinion. A few Wednesday nights ago, Linda taught from Romans 14 on unity in the church. If you missed it, you missed a good lesson. But here’s the question: what’s the difference between being united and being unified? Can you be united and NOT be unified?
If you were to take two enemies, handcuff them together, and lock them in a room, you’d see two persons united but not unified. Just because people are together doesn’t mean they’re unified. The same is true for the church. That’s one of the biggest challenges of most any pastor, to keep the church unified. Yes, we are united every time we come together, but there are often challenges in keeping the church unified. So, today we are talking about acceptance—being accepted and being acceptive.
READ Romans 14: 1-4. “Welcome anyone who is weak in faith, but don’t argue about disputed matters. 2 One person believes he may eat anything, while one who is weak eats only vegetables. 3 One who eats must not look down on one who does not eat, and one who does not eat must not judge one who does, because God has accepted him. 4 Who are you to judge another’s household servant? Before his own Lord he stands or falls. And he will stand, because the Lord is able to make him stand.”
Paul addresses just one issue, one difference of opinion that existed in the church at that time. There were probably several differences, but Paul chooses this one to make his point. While one group may have been more mature in their thinking, both groups were guilty of a critical spirit. Rather than running each other down and resenting the other’s opinion, Paul challenges them to accept one another.
When we talk about accepting one another, it carries the idea of welcoming others and being generous toward them. Now, there is a difference in what the world says and what the Bible says. The world defines acceptance as a full affirmation, even an endorsement, of a person’s beliefs and practices. “If it feels good, do it.”
The Bible doesn’t use the word “accept” to mean to condone sin. The world may condone what God calls sin, but the Bible allows no room for accepting or condoning sin. Instead, the Bible’s desire is to stay close, even when both parties see things differently.
It’s important to note that Paul isn’t talking about black and white sin. In this case, we would say, what difference does it make as to what one eats. So this was one of those vague things that some viewed as sin but the Bible doesn’t directly address. That borders on us making our own rules and laws even when Scripture doesn’t directly address it like the Pharisees. On the other hand, the Bible does ask us to get involved in the blatant sins. For instance, if a believer sees a brother in Christ walking down the street in a drunken state, he should challenge his choices. Ephesians 5:18 – “And don’t get drunk with wine, which leads to reckless living, but be filled by the Spirit:”
Likewise, if a Christian discovers her sister in Christ is involved in sexual immorality, she has an obligation to confront her. 1 Corinthians 6:18 – “Flee sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body.” Galatians 6:1 – “Brothers and sisters, if someone is overtaken in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual, restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so that you also won’t be tempted.”
Here in Romans 14, Paul was addressing gray areas in the Christian life. Still, in v. 4, he made it plain that each of us will have to answer to God for the way we have lived this life. Romans 14:4 – “Who are you to judge another’s household servant? Before his own Lord he stands or falls. And he will stand, because the Lord is able to make him stand.”
God isn’t going to ask me what I thought about another person’s actions. God is the Lord and judge over the other person. I’m not. Who are we to condemn someone for what WE think is not right? Jesus never condemned anyone.
Paul is talking about the importance of relationships—not simply staying in the same church but staying closely knit together. There were rival groups within the church that were popping up because members were joining forces according to their own personal beliefs and preferences. Believers became critical of one another for holding different views.
This division was wrong and out of place, especially in the fact that they were arguing over petty things. They weren’t debating the gospel or dividing over whether Jesus had truly died for their sins. No. They were arguing over foods and festivals. Must have been Baptists. LOL What foods should we eat and not eat? What days should we celebrate on our calendar?
Later on, Paul refers to these two groups as the weaker and the stronger in chapter 15. Now listen up! What made one group stronger was their spiritual maturity: they rightly understood Christian principles. Those that were more spiritually mature were far from perfect, but they understood that whether a person ate meat or only vegetables, and what day we should consider as holy, didn’t show disobedience or a lack of love and commitment to Christ.
The weaker ones were those who were caught up in tradition. They had grown up with certain rules and standards whether they were Scriptural or not. They were committed followers of Christ, but their conscience kept them from embracing anything new.
Romans 14:13 – “Therefore, let us no longer judge one another. Instead decide never to put a stumbling block or pitfall in the way of your brother or sister.”
Think back to when your kids weren’t old enough to pick up for themselves. They would leave their toys all over the floor. You learned to at least clear a path from your bed to the kitchen to keep from stumbling over something left in the floor. Especially if you stepped on a jack. Nowadays this generation thinks stepping on a lego is the worst. Obviously, they have never stepped on a jack.
But even when we DID step on one of the toys and maybe even fall to the floor, we couldn’t blame the child. They didn’t know any better. Unfortunately, many Christians are fully aware they’re putting down stumbling block. They know some Christians see a particular activity as offensive, but they don’t care. They’re going to do it anyway. This is where ACCEPTING comes in.
Paul is saying that out of respect for others, mature Christians will restrict their freedom, removing anything from their lives that would cause others to feel wounded in their conscience. We should be able to restrict our personal freedoms a little bit to strengthen personal relationships.
Example. You like to have a glass of wine or a beer every now and then. Some of you feel there is nothing wrong with that. Some of you are dead set against it. But to keep a relationship from crashing, Paul is saying whether it’s right or wrong, refrain from drinking it in front of another Christian that you know is opposed to it. Don’t be the stumbling block. Accept what they believe an refrain.
Romans 14:14-15 – “I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself. Still, to someone who considers a thing to be unclean, to that one it is unclean. 15 For if your brother or sister is hurt by what you eat, you are no longer walking according to love. Do not destroy, by what you eat, someone for whom Christ died.”
Simon was a young worship leader. While in college, he was invited to bring his band and lead the music at a more traditional church. The pastor was very kind and appreciative, but he requested that Simon wear a coat and tie, then normal attire for their church leaders. Feeling insulted, Simon wondered: How could this church insist on a dress code that isn’t found in Scripture? Why can’t they accept me for who I am? Simon showed up in his faded jeans and favorite T-shirt.
It’s easy to fall into Simon’s selfish, self-centered way of thinking. It’s very likely that you, just like me, at some point have said, “They need to get over it.” But this mentality doesn’t build healthy relationships. Wounding your brother or sister in Christ is wrong. We need to have the opposite attitude. Whenever we think first of how others feel about something and we make adjustments to our lives, we’re demonstrating maturity—spiritual maturity more than compromise.
Romans 14:16-17 – “Therefore, do not let your good be slandered, 17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking (or what we wear or how we comb our hair, I added that part), but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit. 18 Whoever serves Christ in this way is acceptable to God and receives human approval.”
Paul is telling us to put trivial differences aside for the glory of God. Instead of focusing on these things, they were to make the kingdom of God first in their thoughts and actions. So, how do we put this into practice? I’m glad you asked.
When someone disagrees with us or offends us, our natural reaction is to run away from the person, build a wall of defense, or just keep our distance. In some situations, these boundaries are needed, but the healthiest Christian response is to maintain the relationship. We’re called to stick with it and serve the people God has placed around us. And that, my friends, is why so many new and young pastors leave the ministry before long. They can’t handle that.
But as we wash the feet of our friends as well as our foes, we keep the focus on God’s kingdom and not on ourselves.
Romans 14: 18-19 – “Whoever serves Christ in this way is acceptable to God and receives human approval. 19 So then, let us pursue what promotes peace and what builds up one another.”
We may never see a greater test of the depth of our love than when disagreement hits our family. Families sometimes have fierce disagreements. As a result, fathers and sons, sisters and brothers may suffer from years of estrangement that stem back to a single heated discussion.
Sadly, decades can pass, and we can’t even remember what the argument was, but the wall of separation stands high. A family has no winners when Thanksgiving dinners and Christmas gatherings are removed from its scrapbook of memories.
Scripture compels us to do our part to preserve relationships. The kingdom of God is about “righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.” I hope, after these past 6 messages on Relational Living that we will try to put these things into practice in our families and in our church. We should never give up on the hope of healing.
So, based upon Paul’s lesson today, we have learned that the most important things in life aren’t meats and vegetables. So, what is to be the main focus of believers? The kingdom of God. Again, we’re talking about preferences and differences of opinion.
Examine your attitude. When are you most likely to judge others? What actions or ideas do you criticize? Why not commit yourself to respect differences in pursuit of unity.
And yes, there are going to be times when we have to make a clear moral and biblical stand, and that stand could cause division. Even then, however, we must stand for truth in a loving way, with unity in mind.
Can we do it? Yes we can. And God will bless us for it.
