Summary: Courting is what a man and woman do in preparation for marriage.
Seven points about dating:
1.) Dating is in direct contradiction with the Scriptures that admonish us to flee youthful lusts (Eph 4:22; 2 Tim 2:22); flee fornication (1Cor 6:18).
When the “Just Say No” movement went through our churches in the 90’s many of our young people believed the “No” referred only to sexual intercourse. Today some may be saying “No” to sexual intercourse but they are saying “Yes” to every other form of sexual activity.
When you "flee" you are meant to stay away as far as possible from the beginning of the process. When the preacher says, “You may now kiss the bride!” The assumption was that the groom had never kissed the bride before that day.
2.) Dating ignores the biological facts of human sexuality.
Sexual desires are not designed to be started and stopped over and over again! Finally, it is naive to think that it is all a matter of self-control. God has designed the body to react to the emotions and the emotions to respond to sensations of the body. You cannot separate the two. Do not underestimate the power of the touch and the kiss.
3.) Dating tends to abuse and misuse what doesn’t belong to you.
Virginity is not just refraining from sexual activity before marriage, but bringing an inheritance into a marriage by the presentation of a “virgin” or pure body. You are giving your wife or husband your holiness. You are giving your wife or husband an inheritance of untainted passion all stored up and reserved just for them.
4.) Dating is the starting place for destroying relationships
Dating creates relationships built on insecurity. When you date, there is no promise not to go out with anyone else. The main purpose of dating is to try out as many partners as possible in the process of looking for the perfect one. With each “hook up” there is a break up. Breaking up is as common as dating itself. There are more R&B songs written about breaking up than hooking up.
5.) Dating becomes a preparation for handling divorce, not a preparation for building a permanent marriage.
Dating gets us used to the idea of rejecting someone and being rejected by someone in the search for the perfect relationship. The more dates you have, the more the boundaries become blurred. Rejection becomes a way of life, and saying "I love you'' becomes meaningless.
We learn to break covenant at a whim; we learn to follow our emotions and desires. If it doesn't work out, we can simply break it off. It provides no training or discipline for having to work it out for the long haul. Dating is training your son or daughter at an early age how to divorce.
6.) Dating builds insecurity into relationships.
Those who have dated and have been rejected find it hard to trust again. Your first “love” is what you use to gauge all your other encounters. Your first sexual encounter is what you use to measure all your subsequent encounters.
7.) Dating prevents the building of friendships.
Dating exploits attraction and moves the relationship to the point of emotional and physical intimacy before the couple even knows one another. There are many who bonded physically and got married before they bonded emotionally and spiritually.
After marriage they experience a “rude awakening” when they discover they spouse is not the man or woman they thought and believed they were.
The antidote to loneliness is fellowship, not dating; the need is for friendship, not sexuality. When you date, oftentimes the pursuit of romance and sexual activity sidesteps the building of genuine friendships.
So what is the alternative to dating?
The alternative to dating is not courtship. Courtship is not the alternative to dating.
In some Christian circles the concept of courtship has changed from its original intent. The danger of dating has been taught, so there has been an attempt to take the
risk out of dating and so the concept of courtship has changed from its original intent.
• Courtship is not “going out in groups” or “double- dating.”
• Courting is not what “Christian” teenagers do instead of dating.
Courting is what a man and woman do in preparation for marriage.
A Brief Introduction to Courtship
In order to understand what we are saying here let me give you a brief introduction to courtship. I must warn you that what you are about to hear may sound archaic, out dated, old-fashioned, ancient and very technical. But much of it is taken from the Bible and in its day...
• It kept millions of teenagers from getting pregnant annually.
• It kept pregnancies from ending in abortion.
• It kept many boys and girls from being sexually active before the age of 18.
• It kept many daughters from being date-raped.