Sermons

Summary: How does bonding occur? The Danger of the One and Only Theory

RELATIONSHIPS AND MARRIAGE

II. WHEN YOU MEET

Remember physical proximity, attraction, temperaments, beauty, and types of love.

A. Bonding refers to the emotional covenant that links a man and a woman toghether for life and makes them intensely valuable to one another. It is the specialness that sets those two lovers apart from every other person on the face of the earth. It is God’s gift of

Love For a Lifetime Dr. James C. Dobson 1987 pg 32

B. How does bonding occur? According to Dr’s Joy and Morris, bonding is most likelyy to develop among those who have moved systematically and slowly through twelve steps progression of physical intimacy from which a permanent commitment often evolves.

Love For a Lifetime Dr. James C. Dobson 1987 pg 32

1. Eye to body. A glance reveals much about a person – sex, size, shape, age, personality and status. The importance people place on these criteria determines whether or not they will be attracted to each other.

2. Eye to eye. When a man and woman who are strangers to each other exchange glances, their most natural reaction is to look away, usually with embarrassment. If their eyes meet again, they may smile, which signals that they might like to become better acquainted.

3. Voice to voice. Their initial conversations are trivial and include questions like “What is your name?” or “What do you do for a living?” During this long stage the two people learn much about each other’s opinions, pastimes, activities, habits, hobbies, likes and dislikes. If they’re compatible, they become friends.

(Different standards will stop at different points until marriage occurs.)

4. Hand to hand. The first instance of physical contact between the couple is usually a nonromantic occasion such as when the man helps the woman descent a step or aids her across an obstacle. At this point either of the individuals can withdraw from the relationship without rejecting the other. However, if continued, hand-to-hand contact will eventually become an evidence of the couple’s romantic attachment to each other.

5. Hand to shoulder. This affectionate embrace is still noncommittal. It is a “buddy” concerned with the world in front of them than they are with each other. The hand-to shoulder contact reveals a relationship that is more than a close friendship, but probably not real love.

6. Hand to waist. Because this is something two people of the same sex would not ordinarily do, it is clearly romantic. They are close enough to be sharing secrets of intimate language with each other. Yet, as they walk side by side with hand to waist, they are still facing forward.

7. Face to face. This level of contact involves gazing into one another’s eyes, hugging and kissing. If none of the previous steps were sipped, the man and woman will have developed a specific code from experience that enables them to engage in deep commination with very few words. At this point, sexual desire becomes and important factor in the relationship.

8. Hand to head. This is an extension of the previous stage. The man and woman tend to cradle or stroke on each other’s head while kissing and talking. Rarely do individuals in our culture touch the head of another person unless they are either romantically love or family members. It is a designation of emotional closeness.

9-12 The final steps. The last four levels of involvement are distinctly sexual and private. They are (9) hand to body, (10) mouth to breast, (11) touching below the waist, and (12) intercourse. Obviously, the final acts of physical contact should be reserved for marital relationship, since they are progressively sexual and intensely personal Love for a Lifetime Dr. James C. Dobson 1987 pgs 32-34

C. Recommendations that will contribute to life-long marriage.

1. Don’t rush the courtship period when they have found the “one and only”.

2. Make the final choice of marital partner very carefully and prayerfully . . . never impulsiveness or recklessly.

3. Proceed through the first nine stage of intimacy one at a time in the order indicated.

4. Do not progress to later stages before marriage. Enter the marriage bed as a virgin.

5. Seek to marry a virgin.

6. Remain faithful to your marriage partner for life.

7. Continue to meander through the stages or bonding throughout your marriage life, enjoying the wonder of intimate love.

Love for a Lifetime Dr. James C. Dobson 1987 pgs 35-36

D. The Danger of the “One and Only” Theory?

“Somewhere on planet earth there is a special someone for you. God designed this person before the foundations of the foundations of the world to be your lift time mate.” This suggest that out of the seven billion human being that inhabit planet earth, God prepared one – and only one – to be your spouse.

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