Summary: After the wonder of courtship, marriage struggles set in that do not match the fairy tale. This week we deal with common sexual problems in marriage and what God’s Words says about it.
AFTER HAPPILY EVER
I think every married couple, no matter man or woman or how long they’ve been married WANTS a fulfilling sex life.
Like this one old couple who were at an old coffee shop one night and the husband leaned over and asked his wife, "Do you remember that time 50 years ago we went behind this very building where we leaned against the back fence and we… you know?"
“Yes,” she says, "I remember it well."
The old guy got a twinkle in his eye and said, "How about we take a stroll around back do it again for old time’s sake?"
"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!”
Now, a police officer was having coffee and happened to overhear this conversation and chuckling to himself, he thot:
"I’ve got to see these two old-timers just to keep an eye on them so there’s no trouble." So he follows them.
The elderly couple walked out slowly, leaning on each other and aided by their canes. Finally, they got to the back of the building and sure enough, the old man made his move and the lady leaned against the fence. The policeman was about to turn away, when suddenly it turned into the most unexpected display of marital fireworks the policeman had ever seen. This went on for many minutes with loud shouts and screaming.
Finally, they both collapsed on the ground. The policeman was amazed. He thot how all these years he had underestimated every senior citizen he’d ever met. How did they keep the passion alive so long? After giving them a chance to pull themselves together, the policeman decided, “I’ve got to ask them what their secret is."
So, as the couple passes, he says to them,
"Excuse me, but I have to admit, I just saw that, and I’m wondering what the secret is to keeping that kind of passion in your relationship."
Shaking, the old man was barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago, that wasn’t an electric fence."
That’s one way to keep the passion alive! *
But in courtship, especially for Christian couples, it seems that keeping the passion alive will be the LEAST of your problems. That’s because couples who take God’s timeless wisdom seriously are often too busy trying NOT to have sex to worry about the quality and quantity of sexual activity AFTER happily ever after.
- So how is it that with those high expectations, it’s almost universal that in just few years, sometimes even weeks AFTER happily ever, that quality and quantity of sex becomes a real issue?
- Why sexual problems, when we learned last week that God created us sexual beings, made us in his image, MALE and FEMALE? I mean the first thing we learn from scripture is that sex is good and spiritual. Here’s the biblical formula for marriage:
o “A man shall be united with his wife and the two will become one flesh. The two were naked and not ashamed.” (Gen 2:24, 25)
There’s something so wonderful in this oneness out of sexual duality that Paul is at a loss for words when commenting on this one verse. “This is a profound mystery” he says. What we can say for sure is that sex is too intense and vulnerable to NOT be contained inside the firm boundaries of marriage.
- “marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure.” (Heb 13:4)
It doesn’t take a genius to realize how many ways we’ve invented to mess this up; ways which bring deep, deep wounds. But even for couples without such wounds, sex still can be a challenge. Why? Well, there’s the stain of sin, which mars God’s good design. And every couple finds out sooner or later, that men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex. We’re not just people with the same thought processes about sex who happen to have different but nicely matching body parts.
Therefore, the most practical instruction in the Bible about sex encourages selfless understanding and giving, to overcome our differences:
- 1 Cor 7:2-5 Since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
o Which means, in a sex saturated culture, protecting the sacredness of sex and our own souls means it’s better to be married with a healthy sexual outlet than to try and fight the culture and lose the battle.
- The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
o This is saying that sex is not an add on to a marriage for extra credit! It’s a fundamental part of your covenant. In some sense you might say sex defines marriage because it’s the one thing you don’t do with anyone else.