Sermons

Summary: The marriage relationship according to Paul

Submit?? Eph. 5:21-6:9

Steve Simala Grant, Nov. 10/11, 2001

Context:

Our journey through Ephesians brings us to a passage that is extremely practical, yet difficult for us to hear today. It is one that I believe has been misinterpreted and misapplied at many points throughout history, and thus has some baggage along with it, and yet it is the Word of God and so we need to seek to understand it and live by it.

Three specific groups are mentioned and discussed – first husbands and wives, secondly children and parents, and finally slaves and masters. None of us are slaves (despite what your employer might sometimes think…), and even if you are not married or a parent, I believe there are important principles for each of us to take and learn from. The passage spends more time talking about marriage than the other two, and I plan to do so also.

Intro:

In the interest of helping us understand each other better, allow me to offer a few ideas before jumping into the passage:

Now I can’t find this in the Bible, but perhaps you’ve heard the story that before Eve was created, God was talking with Adam. He said, “You really need a helper, don’t you?” And Adam answered, “Yeah, I really do.”

So God said, “What if I make a woman? She’ll be perfect for you. She’ll be beautiful. She’ll rub your back at night, & your feet in the morning. She’ll plop grapes into your mouth. She’ll prepare all your favorite meals without fail. She’ll clean up the kitchen & take care of the kids. You’ll never have to do a thing, just sit around & be the king of your household.”

Adam said, “Boy, that sounds great, but how much is this going to cost?” God said, “Well, it’s pretty expensive. It will cost you an arm & a leg.” Adam thought for a moment & then asked, “How much can I get for a rib?”

THE MEN’S THESAURUS (men don’t always say what they mean) – excerpts:

When a man says: "IT’S A GUY THING"

He means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with this, and you have no chance at all of making it logical"

When a man says "UH HUH, SURE HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR"

He means: Absolutely nothing – It’s a conditioned response.

When a man says ’’IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

He means: "I have no idea how it works"

When a man says "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD’’

He means: "I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner"

When a man says "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."

He means: " I can hum every bar of the intro to Star Trek – original and TNG; the address of the first girl I ever kissed & the vehicle identification numbers of every car I ever owned – but I forgot your birthday"

When a man says ’OH, DON’T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT’S NO BIG DEAL"

He means: "I have actually severed a limb, but I will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt"

When a man says ’I CAN’T FIND IT.’’

He means: "It didn’t fall into my outstretched hand, so I’m completely clueless"

When a man says "I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.’’

He means: : "No one will ever see us alive again."

Rules to help women understand men

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. If it’s up … don’t come tell us about it. Put it down.

"Rules of Male-Female Relationships"

1. The Female always makes the Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all the Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all the Rules, she must immediately change some or all of the Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant Misunderstanding, which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize IMMEDIATELY for causing the Misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. Any attempt to document these Rules could result in bodily harm to the Male.

Q: What’s the worst thing a woman can get on her 25th wedding anniversary?

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