Summary: Insights into the differences between men and women...and how to keep the casualties in the battle at a minimum.

Battle of the Sexes


Randy A. Croft

Several years ago, the United States Government wasted $18,000,000 over something as small as a hyphen. The Readers Digest reported the incident and said that a hyphen was omitted when instructions were fed to a computer which was to guide a rocket to Venus.

A vast amount of data, coded information, was fed into a machine, which was to guide the rocket through the first phase of the flight. For a moment the rocket and computer lost touch. Although the rocket veered off course, a hyphen in the instructions was to tell the rocket not to worry. There was no hyphen, and the rocket worried. The computer began sending course directions it should not have sent, and the rocket had to be destroyed.

A reporter who followed up this story said that it was an odd story that reflected on humans. "The rocket was primed for a 180,000,000 mile trip, and stumbled over something this long."

Men and women have been on a journey for thousands of years to live together in peace and happiness. Yet, over that journey millions of relationships have been destroyed by very small misunderstandings, miscommunication, misinterpretations of one another. Trying to understand one another isn’t easy--it often leads to war.

ILLUS: During a battle in Vietnam, two young men were in the thick of the fight with bullets flying about, shrapnel bursting overhead, and occasionally a grenade exploding nearby. One of the young men, terrified by the situation, gasped "Isn’t this awful?"

The other replied, "Oh, not really. It just reminds me of home."

The Problem behind the Battle

1/3 marriages today end in divorce. Another 1/3, though not divorced are not really enjoying a happy and fulfilling marriage. The couple are simply living together, making the best of their marriage.

And we know that friction and frustration happens among men and women in dating or work related relationships. Wherever men and women are in the same room, there are bound to be misunderstandings. Why is it that so many marriages, so many relationships veer off course like our satellite, and end up being destroyed?

Studies have shown that the number one problem in marriages today is miscommunication. Not able to understand one another. It’s a battle.

Why is it that the Battle of the Sexes makes the Hatfields and McCoys seem like playful kittens. Why is it that the Battle of the Sexes leaves so many wounded and bruised? Because we’re all guilty of expecting the opposite sex to react, listen, think, and respond pretty much the same way we do.

#1 New York Times Bestseller several years ago. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. The book made John Gray a household name and spun off numerous books, seminars, college courses, even a board game. Millions of readers sought Grays advice on how to truly understand the opposite sex.

The story line of his book is based on a creative analogy. Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets. Using this metaphor to illustrate the commonly occurring conflicts between men and women, Dr. Gray explains how these differences can come between the sexes and prohibit mutually fulfilling relationships. His book confirmed what numerous studies and interviews, and research has concluded. Men and women are different. I know this may come as a shock to some of you here tonight, but Men and Women tend to think differently, respond differently, communicate differently, and look at the world differently.

I wouldn’t say Men-Mars, Women-Venus--I’d say totally different galaxies.

Lets look at these differences for a minute. Take a moment and think about your current relationships with those of the oppposite sex. A friend, co-worker, spouse, relative. Think of someone you’re having difficulty with. How would life be different for you if you could just get along better, understand each other better, and have more respect for each other? Today we’re going to look at some biblical insights for men and women in how we can communicate better. But first, let’s look at some of the major differences.

Before I start--information is not put people in box. They are generalizations. Some apply to you, some not. There are additional factors for age, race, background, etc. Stick with generalities that identify the majority of men and women based on research, study, science.

What are some of those differences?

Self-esteem. Value.

MAN: Men tend to get our self esteem from achievement. We tend to be task-oriented, and being self-reliant is very important to us. You put those two together, and you get people who hate to ask for directions or for help. Men will wander in a store all day looking for something on their own because accomplishing the task of getting a certain item isn’t going to be satisfying unless we can do it on our own. For us, asking for help is an admission of failure; we see it as a weakness.

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