Summary: Honest sincere expression of appreciation is the key to getting along with others.

The Big Secret

(of getting along with People)


Give Honest Sincere Appreciation

2 Cor. 13:11

Ephesians 4:29

I What do People want or need?

I disagree with much of what these men teach, but on this point I think they are correct.

Sigmund Freud said everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great. (Only the second one I kind of agree with)

John Dewey- Well know philosopher “The deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important.”

William James -“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”

JC Staehle did an analysis of workers in America and found the no #1 cause of dissatisfaction among employees was their superiors’ failure to give them credit. It is difficult to follow someone who doesn’t appreciate them for what they are and what they do. P44 Maxwell

Lincoln once began a letter “Everybody likes a compliment”.

We had a neighbor when I was growing up who would bring us garden vegetables, and it gave him great pleasure to have the earliest tomatoes. Largest radishes. Or the most different type or hybrid. He wanted the newest and fastest car. He used to say, “I could come up the hill in third gear, and so and so has that new.... and he can’t do it.

It is the desire to be important that motivates people to do a lot of the things they do. Soldiers, Firefighters, Preachers, Politicians, etc.

Some of them good and some bad

-It is the desire to feel important that makes people want to wear the latest styles, drive expensive cars, and take about their brilliant children.

-It also lures boys and girls into gangs, immorality, and criminal activities.

One time New York Police commissioner E.P. Mulrooney said the average young criminal is filled with ego, and the first request after the arrest is for the newspapers to make him a hero. So he can gloat over the fact his picture was sharing space with other sports and movie stars.

How do get your feeling of Importance?

Dale Carnegie said, “If you tell me how you get your feeling of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. It determines your character. That is the most significant thing about you.

John D Rockefeller felt important by giving money to erect a modern in Peking China, to care for millions of poor people he would never see.

John Dillinger felt important by being a bandit, band robber, and killer. When the FBI agents were hunting him, he ran into a farmhouse up in Minnesota and said, “I’m Dillinger!” He was proud of the fact that he was public Enemy #1. “I’m not going to hurt you, but I’m Dillinger!” he said.

One significant difference was how they got their feeling of importance.

Mike Vick - Street props

History is full of examples of famous people struggling with feelings of importance.

-George Washington -wanted to be called “His Mightiness, the President of the US

-Christopher Columbus -pleaded for the title “Admiral of the Ocean and Viceroy of India”

-Catherine the Great- refused to open letters not addressed to “Her Imperial Majesty”

-Mrs Lincoln -In the White House, turned upon Mrs. Grant like a tigress and shouted, “How dare you be seated in my presence until I invite you!”

Victor Hugo- aspired to have nothing less than the city of Paris renamed in his honor.

People even become invalids in order to get sympathy, attention , and a sense of importance.

Mrs McKinley p22

She got a feeling of importance by forcing her husband, the president of the US, to neglect important affairs of state while he reclined on the bed beside her for hours at a time, his arm around her, soothing her to sleep. She fed her gnawing desire for attention by insisting he remain with her while she had her teeth fixed, and once created a stormy scene when he had to leave her alone with the dentist while he kept an appointment with his secretary of state.

That is why it needs to come under the Lordship of Jesus so this out of control desire can fill it rightful place.

II The Problem - We Live in a Put Down World

A. The Selfish Nature Within-the cause

The problem with this is that selfish nature wants to be important too much, and we can’t allow anyone else to be important without having to one up them.

I got a 7 point buck this year. -should say -“That is great do you have a picture.”

We say -“That’s nothing I got a 9 point last year.”

I was valavictorian . Should say - “That’s wonderful”. We say - “Was there like 7 in your class. There was 300 in my class.”

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