Summary: The message is one of three in a family growth series.

Growing Godly Families

The Four Love Needs of Men & Women, Part 1

Three Part Series

February 10, 2002 FBC, Chester, Illinois Mike Fogerson, Speaker


A When you grow a garden you use the best of what is out there to insure good growth.

a Good seeds, good soil, good fertilizer, good water, best lighting.

b The making of a marriage is only as good as the materials you put in it.

B Were going to spend the next three weeks on marriage and family in a series entitled "Growing Godly Families." Start with the "Four Love Needs of Men & Women"

a Hebrews 13:4 "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."

b ETS: The writer of Hebrews gave some potient pointers to growing a Godly marriage.

C ESS: Godly marriages have certain needs that must be met in order to flourish.

a I hope my married listeners will work harder at meeting the love needs of their spouse. (Objective)

b How well are you doing at meeting the love needs of your spouse? (P.Q.)

T.S.: Let’s look at two love needs that every marriage has.

I The first love need of men and women is.....UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

A God loves for us unconditional.

Eph. 2:4,5

[4] But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, [5] made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved.

a God loved sinful man before he trusted God. (Before Man existed God loved him)

b God loves me even though I don’t deserve it. Even though I fail miserably, come up short emotionally, spiritually and relationally....God loves me.

*Even though it would be easier not to love me when I disappoint Him with my thoughts, words, actions and deeds.

*Even though my heart is full of pride and my thoughts are self-centered.

BOTTOM LINE: He loves/accepts me no matter what.

That’s how I know what unconditional love is. I’ve seen the SOURCE!

B The number one love need for men and women is to receive unconditional love from their spouse.

a Hebrews says "marriage should be honored by all...." It needs to be honored by all yes. However it needs to be honored by the marriage partners first.

(I’ve seen marriages made of two spoiled kids. Each person wants their own way and when they don’t get their way they get angry/resent the other person because they didn’t get their way.) Their married, but they’ll never experience the joy that marriage can REALLY be.

b How can you show unconditional love to your spouse?


aa. Compliment her everyday. (She asks, Honey, do I look alright? My dear, you’ve never looked bad.)

bb Talk with her and listen. (Listen and Silent are spelt with the same letters)

cc Respect her opinion.

dd Serve Her


aa Show grace with his weaknesses. (Forgive, Failures aren’t fatal. God and I love you.)

bb Affirm him whenever you can. (Is it easier to affirm your kids, friends, family that it is your husband?)

cc Take time to connect everyday. (TALK)

dd Study Him (What are his strengths & weaknesses. Build on his strengths and strengthen his weaknesses.

C "Human love says ‘I love you if...’ God’s love says ‘I love you even...’"

a Unconditional love is different than the love that’s in the world.

b Men and Women in marriage need to know that they are going to be loved no matter what, not love if.

T.S.: Unconditional love is a need to a godly marriage, but it’s not the only one.

II The first love need of men and women is....INTIMACY.

A GE 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him;

male and female he created them.

a God made us and he made us (guys & gals) differently. (Especially in area of intimacy.)

b Men spell intimacy: S-E-X & Women spell intimacy T-A-L-K

B Several years ago a letter appeared in the "Dear Abby" column that addressed the subject of sexual dissatisfaction.

*The woman’s letter noted that she was fifty years old and had been married thirty years. The letter said she had just about given up on sex and was tired of it because three is no satisfaction in it. This woman said she continues to have sex because of her love for her husband and his desire for sex. As for her, she has not desire for any more. She signed her letter, "Tired in Lincoln, Nebraska." Within two weeks Abigail Van Buren received over 250,000 letters from women that voiced their agreement with this letter

a U.S. News & World Report, only 26% of women experience mutually satisfying sex (1 out 4).

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Jair Castillo

commented on Feb 13, 2007

very good

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