Sermons

Summary: Healthy churches actively invite people to relationship with Jesus. Here are some tips on accomplishing that goal.

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SERIES: HEALTHY CHURCH!

“:THE INVITATION FACTOR”

ACTS 8:26-40

OPEN

We’re in the middle of our series called “Healthy Church!” I shared at the beginning of this series that I was working on getting physically healthier. It’s working. I’m down 26 pounds and my blood sugar is stabilizing. But following the diet and exercise program I’m on is not easy. It’s hard work.

I read about a fellow whose wife gave him a rather unique Christmas present. It was as a week’s worth of private lessons at a fitness center. He thought that even though he considered himself still in great shape from his years on his high school’s chess team, he thought he’d try it.

He called up the fitness center and set up a week’s worth of appointments with someone named Tonya, who described herself as a 26-year-old fitness trainer and athletic clothes model. His wife was very pleased that he was so enthusiastic to get started. Tonya suggested that he keep a workout diary chronicling his progress. Here’s how the diary reads:

Day 1: Started the morning at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Tanya was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her added about ten points. Tanya was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be great.

Day 2: Took a whole pot of coffee to get me out the door, but I made it. Tanya had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven's sake! Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it the full mile. Her smile made it all worth it. Muscles feel great

Day 3 : The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. Driving was okay as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Tanya was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster ,,,uh, master Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Tanya told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.

Day 4: Tanya was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells. Not a chance, Tanya. The word “dumb” must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Big Lars looking for me. Day 5: I hated Tanya more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. If there was any part of my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well, I have news for you Tanya, I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells.


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