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Summary: OBSESSING FOR THE KINGDOM IS THE SECRET TO OVERCOMING BEING BORED IN THE PEWS.

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Something is Out There:

Rumors of the Invisible World of the Sacred God

The Lost Obsession 3/1/09

Introduction: theater piece

John and Cathy Go to Church

Subject: Distracted and Bored at Church

Bruce D. Rzengota

John and Cathy in church on a typical Sunday

John and Cathy are standing in front of a row of chairs. All the dialogue actually represents their thoughts during the worship service. They do not know one another. They are just sitting near each other.

John

Here we go again another loud song. I hope people don’t start to clap again.

Cathy

I wish I’d stopped by the coffee house before we sat down. I sure could use another cup of coffee.

John

I don’t know why we have to stand and sing these songs. Why can’t we just sit down and listen to the band do them.

Cathy

Yawn!! (Looks at John) Oh excuse me.

John

I know what you mean lady. I’m bored too! What is he doing? Did Pastor Wayne just spin around while he played his guitar? What is up with that?

Cathy

O my gosh, O my gosh! I forgot to turn off my cell phone.

Cathy begins to dig frantically through her purse looking for her cell phone

Cathy

If that goes off, I’ll be so embarrassed. People will think I’m not paying attention.

John

Jump around, turn around, spin around, hokey pokey! What is he doing up there?

Cathy

There it is! Look I got a text mail from Becca! Wonder if anyone will notice if I just take a peek?

She takes a sheepish look at John and scans the others around her, then reads her text message.

Cathy

Becca got a 96% on her economics paper. That’s great (looking around smiling contently, she catches John’s eye & nods)

John

Oh gosh this lady next to me is having some type emotional experience? I don’t what’s going on with her? Is she really being moved by this?

John nods back and she reaches out and pat’s him on the arm.

Cathy

I sure hope he didn’t see me reading that. I better wait until Pastor Bruce is preaching before I send Becca a reply.

John

Tell me this is it. Tell me this is it! Tell me this was the last song. Please be the last song! Please!

Sighing both John and Cathy sit down.

John

Oh no. Dave’s the elder of the Day! If this guy were any more boring I bet his wife would shoot herself. (pausing) Does he really go on like this at home?

Cathy

Oh poor Dave, I heard he’s got a real problem with that kid of his. No matter what he does that boy won’t sit and be quiet and respectful in church. Sometimes I can’t believe they let Dave be an elder the way his son carries on like that in church. (shaking her head slightly) Tsk, Tsk, Tsk!

John

I wonder how many times he’s gonna say "Lord we just ask you" while he prays today."

Cathy

(Yawning again.) Boy I wish I’d gotten some coffee!

John

That’s once. (listening) Twice!

Cathy

(Looking panicked) Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I forget to get my offering envelope ready!

(Digging back through her purse) Where’s the check? Where’s the checkbook?

John

Three. (nodding)

Cathy

Oh he’s coming to the end! (Looking up with contempt in her eyes) Is he so shallow that he can only pray that long!!! That Larry guy prays at least twice as long!

John

Four times. That was four times he said "Lord we just ask. . ." We’re praying! What does he think God thinks we’re doing. We’re asking, we’re prayin...(turning his eyes away rapidly) Oh my gosh, he open his eyes!! (sounding perturbed) He opened his eyes and looked right at me.

Cathy

There it is. Whew! Thank you Lord that I didn’t embarrass myself! (fans herself with the envelope)

John

How spiritual is that? This guy looked right at me. What’s he think I wasn’t praying?

Silence.

John and Cathy

Amen!

Pause for moment and Cathy receives the offering plate. Places her envelope in it and passes it to John.

John

Yeah, Yeah, We give to God’s work. I guess I can spare five or ten this week. I better get something outta this.

Cathy

Darn, Pastor Wayne is just playing the piano this week. I wish they showed more videos during the offering. It soooo much more interesting than just listening to him plink away!

(Looking to the side) Would you look at that? (Turning her head as if following them down the aisle) Those teenagers are getting up and going out again. (aghast) How many times do you have to go to the bathroom in one service?

John

Here he comes, Pastor Bruce, the big kahuna, the big cheese. PB to the MAX. He’s no Joel Olsteen, but I guess he’ll do.

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