Summary: Looking thru the song of songs and what it teaches us about relationships and sex.

INTRO: This morning we are continuing our series through the book of Song of Songs (Song of Solomon). Let’s review for those who’ve missed:

-This book is 8 chapters long, taking a couple and giving you 7 snapshots of their relationship. Imagine a 3,000 year old document that, if you can apply these concepts to your life, will not only deepen your relationship with God, but spouse, and friends.

-Solomon, King of Israel, is out looking over his vineyards when he meets a country girl, Shulamith. She captures the king’s heart. For some time the king pursues her and makes periodic visits to see her.

-Solomon asks her to marry him. Shulamith gives serious consideration and she accepts. Some important concepts we’ve looked at:

: Attraction – your character and servanthood are more important than your appearance.

: Relationship takes time, there needs to be respect. The will is more important than feelings. : Three factors of a healthy relationship

: Becoming one, idea of counting the cost

TITLE: The Path of Becoming One – Pt. 2

TEXT: Song of Songs 4:5-16

Background: Solomon and Shulamith have gone through the wedding ceremony and now are in the bridal chamber. Solomon has progressed to removing her veil and undressing her.

-This morning I’m going to talk about ten important factors of intimacy.

1. The first important factor of intimacy is romance – v. 1-4. I talked about it last week (I trust the handouts blessed you).

2. The second important factor of intimacy is gentleness – v. 5

a. Tommy Nelson – "Greatest and most inspired bit of text as to how a man should see his wife". He’s talked to her now he has undressed her.

Q: Men, how do you approach the sexuality of your wife?

-You approach as you would two fawns of a gazelle to take a picture not as a hunter going and blasting away, but as a photographer. It’s slowly and gently.

b. Joseph Dillow – The reference was a Dorcus gazelle, an animal about two feet high at the shoulders, and a marvel of lightness and grace. Their beauty creates within his heart a desire to reach out and fondle them, as one would pet a gazelle feeding by a brook.

c. Idea presented by Solomon is to move slowly and gently. The parameter you and your wife share is up to both of you. Learn to communicate. If you have trouble talking about things, write it down.

d. Men, when it comes to intimacy, we have the tendency to try the same combination over and over again (like opening a safe, it worked before, it’ll work again).

-Reality the same old combination does not work all the time (try something different).

-Generally speaking, men are easier to please when it comes to intimacy (like a dragster off the line, they are ready instantly). While the woman is slow initially like a Volkswagen, but can easily out distance the dragster in the long run.

-Men, in order to have deep intimacy, you have to be sensitive, patient, conscious of your approach. Approach your wife like you would the two fawns.

3. Third important factor of intimacy – is that it is exhilarating.

a. Solomon is talking about having sex all night long with his wife.

-This is very passionate. This is why Jewish boys were not to read this book until they were older.

b. Years ago young English women were told on their wedding night to just lay there and think of the queen.

-Meaning you endure sex to have babies to fight for the empire. (It was an early Christian teaching that original sin was sex). This is why some view sex as dirty or a hidden evil.

-This is not a Biblical view, just read Song of Songs.

4. Fourth important factor of intimacy – is it’s frightening – v. 7.

a. Solomon calls her beautiful, no flaw in you. Remember a couple of chapters before she tells him not to look at her because she is darkened by the sun.

b. Men, Solomon is teaching a very important point – that is to speak blessings rather than curses.

-All women tend to be self-conscious of their bodies (There is always something they want changed).

-So fellows, the most painful thing you can do to your wife when you see her naked body is to say something negative. She will have trouble forgetting it, and it will hinder your intimacy.

c. Remember, when I talk about you can read Song of Songs either as Solomon and Shulamith (2 individuals); or you can read it as an allegory of Christ and the church where he is the groom and we are the bride.

-What’s the groom’s view of the bride? Eph 5 – radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless

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