Summary: Talks about the peculiar challenge of singles when they get to the age of marriage and are not yet married and teaches them how to deal with the problem.


Gen 2:18-25

Judges 14:1-3

One of the biggest issue that believers have is how to deal with the season when they believe that they are ready for marriage and they are not yet married and have to deal with certain physical needs that they have. These needs actually begins to show up as soon as they get to puberty and really becomes full blown when they get to adolescence. They suddenly start to have a strong urge for companionship from a physical perspective. The error that we make is that we often liken this feeling of loneliness with the feeling of aloneness, and we erroneously attempt to resolve them in identical manner.

The state of aloneness is a spiritually recognized situation, compelled by heaven to enable procreation in the proper environment that will ensure the raising of godly seed and engender the true concept of godly family. This implies that the condition of being alone is deeper than being lonely. Loneliness is actually a physical condition, or a temporary yearning of the flesh and can never be fully resolved by physical gratification. It is the futility of satisfying this yearning that the bible was referring to in Prov 39:14 there is a generation whose teeth are as swords and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth a d the needy from among men.

15 the horse leach has two daughters crying, give, give. There are thee things that are never satisfied, yea four things say not it is enough.

16 the grave and the barren womb. The earth that is not filled with water and the fire says not, it is enough.

Another thing is physical craving. It can only be filled for a season and you will desire another. That is why when people confront the issue of aloneness like they deal with loneliness, you always see them lusting for other women as soon as they get married. Aloneness can never be loneliness, because you can have people all around you and be involved with several girlfriends and enjoying physical intimacy and still fill that void. That is why so many are even married and they still fill alone and they say that the person they got married to is not their wife or husband. That is not to say that the person has any idea who the spouse should be.

Most often we confuse aloneness with loneliness. In fact most singles believe that marriage is all about having sex and satisfying their sexual needs and when they are considering who they will marry, they only consider physical endowment. I have seen single sisters seriously argue that they must have sex with the man before they get married so that they will be sure that they are sexually compatible. So my question is, how many testing will you do to get convinced if the first ten men you meet are not sexually compatible with you?

Aloneness is a spiritual condition which is permitted by heaven to ensure that you enter into marriage with your true companion. It is not a vacuum that can be filled anyhow. It is something that can only be handled by God who ensures that you actually get married to the bone of your bones. However, most singles allow this subject of seeking the right marriage partner is often beclouded with carnality, and many fail to get married even when the proper time has come and the right person is available for them. Every brother and sister in this church who are ready for marriage have all it takes to get married within the next couple of months. I hold the brothers responsible for the sisters in this church who are ready for marriage and nothing has happened to them yet. You bulk at making the decision at the proper time and when you get to old age you start looking for a younger girl to get married to. Who then will marry your age mates?

The challenge is that we often try to solve the problem of aloneness from the carnal point of view, as though it was merely an issue of loneliness. This implies preferring a temporary solution mentality for something that requires a solo solution. You now see many of us entering into a compromised relationship and all it's trappings and complication in order to resolve it, including premarital sex, live in relationship and of recent we now have what is called, partners. All these are what I call the devil's alternatives and only lead to complication.

1 Cor 7 talks about marriage and the issue of fornication. People had written to Paul to ask him concerning living a life of celibacy and he replied them in verse 1 that it is good, but to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Verse 8 concerning the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry for it is better to marry than to burn.

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