Summary: This sermon is based on the "5 Love Needs of Men and Women" by Gary and Barb Rosberg
What Women Wish Men Knew About Women
In the story of the creation of Adam and Eve, we find 3 things are evident. First of all, men and women are different! It’s no mistake. God created men and women to be different. We think differently. We do things differently And we look at things differently. In recent years, researchers have discovered that men and women are different biologically and psychologically. Biologically, women have larger connections between the two hemisphere’s of their brain, a lower metabolism, a more active thyroid, smaller lungs and a faster heart just to name a few. Psychologically, women have different emotional needs than men. Women are more relationally driven than men, they become an intimate part of their surroundings and need more time to adjust to change. Science has shown that biology has as much to do with our differences as does the way we are raised. The differences are so vast that one wonders how the attraction can be so great between the sexes. The differences which often drive us crazy are the very same things which attracted us to each other in the first place.
Second, men and women need each other. God designed those differences for a reason: so that we might compliment each other. There is an inherent completeness when a man and woman connect and bond with each other. Our partners make up for what we lack. When we are discouraged, they are hopeful. When we are stingy, they are generous. When we are weak, they are strong and the list goes on and on. Image In the movie “Jerry Maguire” Tom Cruise makes up with his wife Renee Zelweger at the end of the film by saying to her “You complete me.” God made us that way. It’s no mistake. We need each other because we balance each other out.
Third, men and women were created differently to meet one another’s needs for help and companionship. Genesis tells us that God saw that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. He needed a companion. So the woman was created as his partner to meet his needs. The man also found that now he had the desire and ability to meet her needs as well. Thus for each the other was a companion and helper.
As much as we balance each other out and complete each other, our differences, if not understood and accepted, become a source of confusion, frustration and even division. Too often in marriage, we overlook the fundamental differences between the sexes and assume, and even act like, they are just like us. And then we wonder why they don’t appreciate what we try to do for them because in reality, we’re doing what we would want done to us. But couples who openly acknowledge their differences and appreciate them improve their chances of avoiding strife and increasing the level of intimacy in their marriage. That’s where we come to today’s Scripture passage: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Today, we’re going to look at the 5 needs of a woman’s life and how you, a man, can meet them.
The first need in a woman’s life is unconditional love and acceptance. Your wife needs you to surround her with your love and presence, your tenderness and your desire to help heal her. Especially during the difficult times, you have an opportunity to say in a very profound way through your words and actions that you love her no matter what. It’s a chance to show your complete devotion to her. Nothing is more healing and more powerful to her than loving your wife through their difficult times or at the point of the greatest pain. Points of pain vary for woman to woman. Maybe it was something she did in the past or something which was done to her in the past. It might be a struggle with a loss, a miscarriage, the death of a parent or close friend. It might be a change of jobs or relocation to a new community. A woman needs forgiveness, patience and a safe place to heal and there is no better place for that than in the arms of unconditional love.
Author and counselor John Gray describes women as a wave because a woman’s self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion. When she feels loved, her mood will reach a peak but then like a wave will eventually come crashing down. During these down times, suppressed negative feelings and unfulfilled needs come to the surface. Her deepest issues rise to the surface and often center on the relationship but are emotionally charged from past relationships and her childhood. She begins to spend time and energy comparing herself to others and judging herself as inadequate. She secretly fears that others are better, stronger, wiser and more beautiful than she is. This can drain away her contentment and confidence. It is during these times that she needs your unconditional love the most. If she feels loved and supported, it will help her through the process. She may not feel better automatically but it could help her to reach bottom faster and then she can and will begin to feel better. As suddenly as the wave crashed, she will rise up and be able to give love in her relationships. A man’s natural reaction during these times is to pull back when the emotional wave crashes yet this is when she really needs you to draw closer. This is not a problem to solve or fix but an opportunity to support her with unconditional love. She needs someone to be with her as she goes down, to listen to her as she shares her feelings and to empathize with what she is going through. To support a woman during these times is a special gift she will appreciate and John Gray states will allow future crashes to not be so extreme.