Text Illustrations

The following are different answers given by school-age children to the stated questions:

"Why were mothers created?"

1. She’s the only one who knows where the Scotch tape is.

2. Think about it; it was the best way to get more people.

3. Mostly to clean the house.

"How were mothers made?"

1. From dirt, just like for the rest of us.

2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.

3. Just the same as I was made, except bigger parts were used.

"Why were you given your mother and not some other mom?"

1. We’re related.

2. She likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

"What ingredients are mothers made of?"

1. Clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.

2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string. I think.

"What kind of little girl was your mom?"

1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.

2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.

3. They say she used to be nice.

"How did your mom meet your dad?"

1. Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.

2. My Mom was just walking in the street and my Dad found her.

"What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?"

1. His last name.

2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

"Why did your mom marry your dad?"

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot of spaghetti.

2. She got too old to do anything else with him.

3. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

"What makes a real woman?"

1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.

"Who’s the boss at your house?"

1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because my Dad is such a goofball.

2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.

3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.

"What’s the difference between moms and dads?"

1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.

2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.

3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.

"What does your mom do in her spare time?"

1. Mothers don’t do spare time.

2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

"What’s the difference between moms and grandmas?"

1.About 30 years, I think. ...

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