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Mary Pipher, the author of Reviving Ophelia says children need both and control (limits) and affection (grace). ?These two dimensions interact to produce different outcomes for teenagers. Low-control and low-acceptance parents produce teens with a variety of problems including delinquency and chemical dependency. Parents who are high in control and low in acceptance (authoritarian parents) have children who are socially inadequate and lacking in confidence. Parents who are low in control and high in acceptance (indulgent parents) have teenagers with high impulsivity, low responsibility and low independence. Parents who are high in control and high in acceptance (strict but loving parents) have teenagers who are independent, socially responsible and confident. According to this research, the ideal family is one in which the message children receive from parents is: ?We love you, but you must do as we say.? [Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls. [New York: Grosset/Putnam. 1994. p 83.]

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